Have you ever posted or said something negative as a way of venting only to have people want you to be positive? How dare you post or say what you're really thinking, don't you know that you can only be happy? This is a negativity free zone, thanks.
I had a bad weekend recently where my biological father (that I only met back in 2013) said ANOTHER hurtful and terrible thing to me. He likes to wait for any holiday or major event to do this for maximum impact. I posted on Facebook (I know, I know- vaguebooking is bad but pain isn't always rational) saying to not meet your parents if they weren't in your life because you would regret it. This is my truth right now and I am not in a mindset where I can care if it isn't yours. I'm upset and I am hurting. I need to let these emotions have their time.
Instead of getting support (this was my private page with only friends on it), people felt the need to instead tell me to be positive and that what I said isn't true for everyone and that they themselves had a good, complicated, or whatever experience when they met their estranged parents. Rather than start yelling at everyone (I'm in a lashing out phase so I've quarantined myself), I deleted the post. I can't deal with it right now.
Yes, I said an absolute statement. It is a platform where people can comment. But right now, I am in PAIN and I wanted to let out my pain and maybe talk about it- all vaguebooking really is is a cry for help into the void and hoping someone will hear you.
I do not want to be positive right now. I do not want to hear about how other people have parents that aren't terrible people or about how their experience was better than mine. I want to GRIEVE. I want to let the hurt have its time. I am angry and I deserve to be angry.
You see it all the time on social media- the positivity police. "Look on the bright side!" "Think positively!" I'm sure I've been guilty of it too. Here's the thing- I know first hand that bottling things up isn't good for you; I had to do it for 15 years and I've been in therapy for ages now. It. Isn't. Healthy.
Pretending to be happy and bubbly all the time isn't healthy because you're denying your emotions, which ultimately makes them fester. Sure, you can't just emotion vomit everywhere, but in your own personal space (both online and IRL), you shouldn't have to be anything but yourself. If you see someone hurting, you should reach out to them, not immediately try to force your opinion on them or try to make them be positive/happy when they aren't ready to be. Ask them if they're okay and just LISTEN. You're not there to fix it unless they ask you to. This is something I've worked really hard to try to be better at myself, which is why I simply deleted the comment and wrote this blog instead. It's helping me vent.
For right now, I'm going to let my pain run its course without trying to be happy about what's good in my life. The good things will still be there when I've moved on in a day. Or two days. Or however long it takes me to get out of the hole I was thrown back into. I thought I had filled the "Why doesn't my mommy love me and why didn't my daddy want me?" hole years ago but here we are. Grief is funny that way. People make fun of the word "triggered" all the time, but I am legitimately triggered right now. I'm that child who cried herself to sleep almost every night for 15 awful years all over again and I need time to find my way back.
Just let people have their grief. It isn't healthy to try to ignore it.
<3 - CFC