For the people that know me, one thing can kind of stand out: I am very much myself. I don't try to be anything but exactly who I am. I'm loud, have a dirty sense of humor, swear, and am very blunt. "[CFC], saying it like it is." Anyone that's read this blog can tell that I don't really hold anything back. Shockingly enough, I wasn't always like this. 

This post is going to be the story of how I ended up not taking crap from anyone and being only me. 

When I was around 19 or so, I "ran away" from home to go live with my best friend's family. The consequences of that decision were extreme and something that I will have to live with for the rest of my life. A thousand people can tell me that what happened to my family when I left wasn't my fault and that I had to do what was best for me (for once in my life), but they will never convince me. My leaving directly caused everything to fall apart and for someone to make a lot of bad decisions, pretty much destroying their life. I have to live with that until the day I die, regardless of whether or not it was "the right thing to do."

As you can imagine, I was in a very vulnerable state at that time, not something that I really like to admit. I'm not really the "vulnerable" type. I just wanted someone to see that something was wrong, that I was hurting and blaming myself. I just wanted someone to ask me what was wrong and to listen. That was all I wanted. 

A guy at work, who I'll creatively name "Guy," did. He saw right through everything. 

He saw I was hurting and he took advantage of my vulnerable state (not in a sexual way, thank you. :P We never even kissed or anything, praise God.)

He made me feel better about everything and listened to me. It was pretty awesome for awhile. I thought that I might even "love" him (I didn't). 

He started to try to change me. "Don't cut your hair, it looks better long." "Wear your make up more, it looks good on you." When I feel an emotion, I feel it with all that I am. He actually said that he preferred me sad (when I'm happy, I am HAPPY). He started taking me to the gym (Lord this sounds creepy in hindsight). It's like he was trying to make me into something that I wasn't. He didn't like me as a fat chick. He wanted me to be thinner. He wanted me to join his religion (that was so not happening). He wanted me to eat better for the sole purpose of being thinner. He was making me into a doll. 

What's funny is what the final straw turned out to be.

One day I literally just said the acronym "WTF" and he told me to stop swearing, ladies don't swear. Well EXCUUUUUSE me, I will fucking swear if I want to, thank you very fucking much. That ended it. I cried for days, but I made him take back his stupid gym membership and I stopped talking to him. He could take that membership and shove it. I stopped wearing all that eye make up just to spite him. I still don't really wear a lot of make up on a daily basis because I'm damn fine without it.

This song and this song became my anthems.

After that experience, I will NEVER let anyone dictate anything about me. I am perfect with all of my beautiful imperfections. I found a man that loves me for my swearing, dirty sense of humor, and likes me just as I am. He wants me to be healthier so I'll live longer, he doesn't give a shit about my size. He makes me feel beautiful exactly as I am and I will never settle for anything less than that again. I am worth it because I am amazing and anyone that thinks different can bite me. 

I will never regret whatever the hell I had with Guy because 1) NOTHING HAPPENED THANK GOD, 2) I learned a lot about myself, and 3) I now know how to use gym equipment. It took someone trying to change me for their purposes (whatever they were) for me to learn that the only person that should ever want to change me is me. I want to change to be better for ME. I want to be healthier for ME. I want to be a better roommate for ME. Part of me does want to be a better person for my bf because he makes me want to be better in a good way. I want to deserve that kind of love. 

The moral of this story is to be unashamedly yourself. If you're a loud person, BE LOUD. If you're quiet, be quiet. Just be yourself. Whoever deserves to be around you will love you exactly as you are. Never change for anyone but you.

<3 - CFC  

I'm poor and I'm trying to eat healthy. I'm also insanely busy and don't have the time or patience to cook myself meals very frequently.

Do you want to know why poor people can become so large? Because eating healthy is expensive. I don't care what anyone says; when you're living paycheck to paycheck, you don't have the money to go to the store every few days and buy fresh food. Pasta (which can really cause you to put on the pounds) is cheap and easy. The sauce you put on the pasta is also incredibly easy as it probably comes from a jar. It's also probably packed with sodium and very bad for you (even the heart healthy kind should be eaten sparingly). Pasta, I believe, is one of the biggest causes of the Freshman 15 (or Junior 25 in my case). College kids are suddenly on their own without a lot of money, so they eat what's cheap and easy.

It's been really hard for me to transition to a point where I'm eating healthy and not breaking the bank. Hell, I'm still technically not eating that healthy. However, I'm keeping track of my calories, nutrients, and sodium intake each day so it doesn't really matter tooooo much.

Poor and trying to eat healthier? Here's a few things that I do:

• Yes, I eat TV dinners. No, they're not the best for you. I get the "Lean Cuisine" or "Healthy Choice" ones and only eat one a day, mostly because I'm at work. They last me until my next paycheck and are easy. Everything else I eat has to be lower sodium and better for me, however. I only buy them on sale.
• Frozen veggies are still veggies. They're still good for you. Canned ones have way more sodium. If you can't do fresh, do frozen.
• I eat a banana a day because they're cheap and delicious.
• Cutie oranges. They don't go bad right away like some produce can and there's enough in the bag that they last for a bit.
• Frozen meat is still meat. I don't have time to cook often, but sometimes I'll thaw out some chicken and cook it and use it for salads or sandwhiches in my lunches. Canned tuna is also pretty low ca and, low sodium and gets you protein. It's also not too expensive.
• Buy on sale products. Try to buy the low fat or low sodium versions if you can. I eat mayonnaise when I eat canned tuna, but I can't switch it to low fat because low fat mayo tastes so wrong.
• Off brand really can be as good as name brand.
• Shop the produce area when you can for on sale fruits and veggies. If you can shop local produce, do it. Haggen has a lot of local produce that isn't super expensive.
• Use the store ads in the mail! You can figure out where to go that's cheapest and possibly get some coupons.
• The freezer is your friend when you live paycheck to paycheck. You can freeze meat, have frozen veggies, prepare meals and freeze them, or preserve bread longer. It keeps you in food until your next paycheck.
• If you end up out of food and money and have to have pasta, go light on the sauce.

<3 - CFC

I love junk food. Who doesn't?

Trying to end my relationship with junk food (and I tried to tell it that we can't "just be friends" but I keep trying to go back to it anyways) has been hard. It's like trying to end a bad relationship that you just can't get enough of (at least I assume it is. I've never really been in that situation).

It's not that the occasional bit of junk food is going to kill you and make you weigh 500 pounds, it's when you can't or won't stop eating it. I'm sorry Cookie Monster, cookies are a sometimes food .

If you've read my blog post about my relationship with food, you know that food and I have an interesting history. For me, junk food is kind of like a drug. Once I start eating it, I can't stop easily. Just one hit can lead to a binge and then I feel terrible about myself. I haven't really had that recently, thankfully, but it has happened and I don't want to let it happen again.

Yesterday I was quite proud of myself. My two best friends and I went out to a movie and I didn't get any snack food or pop. Pop makes me kind of sick anyways, so that was easy to cut out of my diet. I also learned yesterday that my chocolate intolerance/allergy is just as bad, if not worse, than it was awhile ago. SC opened a thing of chocolate and the smell was so bad I thought I was going to throw up and my stomach was on fire. So chocolate was really easy to cut out too. Without chocolate, there's really not a lot of sweets that I want. It's mostly the greasy food that I'm fighting now.

I think just saying no is the best route to take if you're like me. Whenever I become junk-food-abstinent (I just wanted to use that word), my cravings and desire for junk food goes down.

Hopefully if I keep saying no, it'll just become automatic. Maybe I'll only eat it every now and again in the future. But until I reach that level of control, I'm just going to keep fighting to say no.

Just say no to drugs.

<3 - CFC

Not even a little.

Let me take a moment to explain what I'm talking about.

" 'Blood pressure' is the force of blood pushing against the walls of the arteries as the heart pumps blood. If this pressure rises and stays high over time, it can damage the body in many ways." (Source) High blood pressure is one of the leading killers in the US and it causes a lot of different problems, such as heart attacks.

"Blood pressure is measured as systolic (sis-TOL-ik) and diastolic (di-ah-STOL-ik) pressures. "Systolic" refers to blood pressure when the heart beats while pumping blood. "Diastolic" refers to blood pressure when the heart is at rest between beats.

You most often will see blood pressure numbers written with the systolic number above or before the diastolic number, such as 120/80 mmHg. (The mmHg is millimeters of mercury—the units used to measure blood pressure.)" (Source) Anything below 120/80 is normal, anything between 120/80 -140/90 is pre-hypertension (where I am), and anything above 140/90 is high.

It's not that I have HIGH blood pressure, per say (it tries to rise and I battle it), but I have some serious issues with it. I stayed in the pre-hypertension range for awhile and doctors kept getting worried. They've threatened to put me on medication and took me off my birth control for awhile and put me on a different one that didn't have any estrogen in it (while it protected against conceiving, it didn't protect me from my insane hormones or acne).

As soon as I graduated college, my blood pressure almost instantly dropped down to safe levels (college will kill you). So I went back to a new birth control pill that has half the amount of estrogen as my very first one, which is fine by me. It controls my epic PMS, which is another not-sexy issue that I have and shouldn't really raise my blood pressure (because apparently estrogen supplements do that). It's gone up a bit since I've started the new pill, but I've also got new stressers in my life that are effecting it. So I'm trying to get it to go back down before my doctor's appointment next month (where I plan on crying and begging to stay on my new pill no matter what my blood pressure does. Yes, my PMS is really that bad).

Here's Some Super Sexy Advice To Help Lower or Control Blood Pressure

First and foremost, I am not a doctor. This is just advice that I have read online and been told by doctors.

• Control your weight. Being overweight is a major cause of high blood pressure. My doctor told me to work on it bit by bit instead of trying to lose a bunch at once, which is already a healthy thing to do and how I plan on going about it.
  
• Control your sodium intake. Americans are the worst for getting too much sodium in their diets; we consume twice as much sodium as the recommended daily intake. Avoid processed foods whenever possible and try to eat fresh food (which is really hard. I just keep track of my daily sodium intake because I'm too poor to be constantly buying fresh food. I use a calorie counting app called Calorie Count for the iPhone. Apparently it's available for other phone operating systems and online). Try switching to the low sodium/hint of salt/lightly salted version of your favorite foods if that's an option. I love hint of salt wheat things and triscuits and lightly salted Lay's potato chips.
  
• Be more active! Making sure to get up and move each day helps lower blood pressure. Work on cardio.
• Get plenty of potassium and vitamin C. They can help lower your blood pressure and they're good for you besides.
  
• Eat fresh fruits and veggies, they're good for you too.
  
• Relax! Take time each day just to relax. Listening to half an hour of classical music and breathing deeply can help lower blood pressure, as can stretching and yoga.

This may all just seem like basic advice on how to be healthier... and that's because it IS. Living a healthier lifestyle is one of the best ways to prevent and treat high blood pressure (unless you actually need meds, which some people do), as well as numerous other diseases. It's really hard to switch from an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle to a healthy, active one. The trick is to take baby steps and not try to make it too drastic of a change. This is changing a lifestyle, not going on a diet.

Here is some more advice on how to treat and prevent high blood pressure.

Stay healthy people!

<3 - CFC

Yesterday was a bad day.

Maybe not BAAAAD per say, but certainly not good. It was bad diet day, a bad exercise day, and just a bad day in general.

It started out waking up dead tired. On Fridays I work 4am-Noon and got about three hours of sleep. My body isn't use to working out yet, so lately I've been needing more sleep and three hours was claearly not enough.

The crap morning got even better when I went to work and was slammed all morning, making me even more tired. I had to run down to one of our stores to grab something and when I got out to my car, I noticed that someone keyed the crap out of it.

That picture doesn't even capture how shit this is. So I ended up buying a sandwich at the store.

Even the sandwich sucked, but I ate it.

I went home and passed out after work, my calories and sodium intake already pretty high. I forgot to turn the wifi on on my phone so I missed the call from my boyfriend who's overseas. I slept so long that I didn't have time to go to the gym before I said I'd be at my friend's house to watch a movie. While there they made epic nachos covered in cheese and beef and veggies and I was so hungry and had had such a crap day that I ate a bunch of the delicious and wonderful nachos. I have no idea how many calories I ate yesterday and I didn't end up going to the gym because I was just so violently tired.

So the moral of this story is that bad days happen, in life and when trying to be healthier. Or both. Don't let the bad days define you and don't let one day of bad behaviors make you feel like you failed. I didn't fail, I had a bad day. So I'll try to make today a better day and just do better. I can't really make up for the lost gym time or the fact that I are more than I should have (especially with Thanksgiving next week and the gym will be closed), but I'm not going to worry about that because it was one day. This isn't a diet, this is changing a lifestyle so bad days will happen because you can't stop life from happening.

<3 - CFC

This explains the problems with big boobs pretty well.

I'm fortunate in that I am but a humble D-cup. :P My closest friends that I spend the most time with are all in the DD range, so I feel small quite frequently, the bastards.

But seriously, having a larger chest can really suck. Don't get me wrong, I like my ladies, they just get in the way. There's nothing quite like knocking everything over with just your chest in front of other people, especially since they're all just basically staring at it by that point.

Finding a bra is a PAIN in the butt and they never make cute ones in bigger sizes! They're all for A or B cup, sometimes even C cup, but almost never D and above. It's like, here's your plain and hideous bra that you only found by chance. I can almost never find a bra with my band number because I'm a bit bigger around. The minute I find one, no matter what the price is, I basically HAVE to buy it for fear of never finding another one.

Then there's sports bras- HELLO, UNI-BOOB! The darn thing can't keep them from bouncing even though that's its job. I have one friend that has to wear two (or was it one and a shelf-cami?) to keep them from bouncing around a lot (which can seriously hurt).

Have I mentioned the sagging that can come from the ladies being bigger and gravity existing? Because it sucks.

Back problems later in life- my friends will have them. XD

Males, quit staring at them! Yes, they're there. Yes, they're awesome. No, you cannot touch them or blatantly stare at them. Stop it.

Clothes don't always fit right on large chested women because our boobs are too big while everything else fits. I remember the day I grew out of my favorite dress in the chest area. I was so sad. Smaller women with bigger chests (or women with really big chests) can have the problem of their shirts always being low cut because there just isn't enough fabric to cover it all.

Despite the fact that having a bigger chest can be a pain, I wouldn't give mine up for anything. I am a big girl and I would look really funny with a small chest. Ladies, love your ladies no matter their size, they give us power over men.

<3 - CFC

Deployments suck.

I can't think of anything fat related to write about, so I'm going to write about deployments today. As most of you know, I'm dating someone in the military. Dating HIM is awesome. Dating someone in the military is hard and can really suck, especially if you're not prepared to cope with it. It's the military part that can suck. Right now, my bf is deployed overseas and won't be back until March. I got lucky- I'm with someone that really is only gone for about six months at a time. If that sounds like an eternity for you (it is) and you couldn't go that long, don't date someone in the military. They have enough to deal with when they're done, they don't need a break up overseas to deal with or to come home to a cheating whore (which apparently happens A LOT). If you commit yourself to someone (and no, I don't care if it's marriage or just bf/gf) and you cheat on them, you are a disgraceful cheating whore and you should feel extremely awful about yourself as a person. Especially if you cheated while someone was deployed. /end rant

Lucky for me I've never been the kind of person that actually misses people (except, apparently, him). I know, it's weird, but I don't. I don't miss the people back home. I don't really get home sick. I think it has to do with my crap childhood. Don't get me wrong- I want to see the people back home again, I just don't experience the sensation of missing someone the same way.

Now that I get to enjoy this "missing" thing everyone talks about, here's some pros and cons to having your significant other deployed (if you don't look at the pros to make yourself smile, you'll just be miserable):

• CON: Lonely nights.
• PRO: ALL of the bed space. Seriously, I sleep like, spread eagle and have a twin bed. My bf is 6'3" and I move in my sleep. We have some crappy nights, lol. I plan on upgrading to a full before he comes home. :)
  
• CON: They're not there for big events (mine is missed Halloween and our one year anniversary and is going to miss Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, my birthday, and Valentine's Day.)
• PRO: You have more free time to do what you want. (Fill that free time up or you will go insane. Why do you think  I blog and go to the gym and do two swing dance clubs while working 40 hours a week? I must never be without something to do. So PRO: Get more shit done.")
• CON: "Sexually deprived for your freedom." <- There's a reason why this saying exists. There's no hugs, kisses, hand-holding, cuddling, or anything. It sucks. I would kill for just a hug and a kiss right now. And now I'm tearing up. Awesome.
• PRO: ....I got nothing. I guess if you don't like the physical stuff? O.o
• CON: The random crying. It is just awful. I don't know if other people do that, but I do. Very infrequently and only when I'm alone. But sometimes I just miss him and it makes me really sad.
• PRO: ....Um... um.... if you're like me and it only happens occasionally, it's not that bad?
• CON: You're lonely.
• PRO: You get closer. I always thought the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" saying was a load of crap (probably because I never really missed someone before). It's not. I appreciate him more and we're "cuter" *gags*. I can't believe I can say that.

I got lucky in that I can FaceTime him almost every day for a bit and can still text (iPhones RULE). If we're both on wifi, texting and FaceTime are free, which is amazing.

TIPS FOR SURVIVING (from a n00b):

• Keep busy. I cannot stress this enough. I don't get sad as much when I'm busy, so I just stay busy. I do projects. I planned a big Halloween event for my swing club, made Christmas presents, do Christmas cards, this blog, the gym- anything. I'm usually more the... not introverted, but shades of it.... type, but now I have to have more social time.
• Count down or don't (depends on you). I started counting the days down from day one. That's how I roll. Each day, for me, is one day closer to seeing him and I like seeing the number go down each day. I started at 187 and now it's down to 120. I have a dry-erase countdown on my mirror and two jars of marbles for counting down. One has days left and one has days gone. Some people countdown months or paychecks, but that's not fast enough for me. I get super excited when I get to a "milestone." Like today- 120. Tomorrow will be 119 and I'm SO excited. :) I like counting things, alright?
  
• Communicate as much as possible. Emails, phone calls, letters, iPhones (which are AWESOME), or whatever. Communication is vital.
• Send care packages! You can send packages cheap to bases using flat rate boxes at the US Post Office. The biggest one is only around $14. It makes them happy and it's fun to do. Planning mine makes me happy. :)
• Wear something that reminds you of them. It could be a piece of jewelry or a locket with their picture. I have a name tape bracelet and a helicopter necklace charm I bought right when we started going out again. I also have a loop keychain from here that says "USAF Girlfriend" on it. It's the little things.

So yeah. Being a significant other to someone in the military is both an honor and a challenge. Deployments are a worrisome pain-in-the-ass and I hate them already. However, if you have the right person, it's totally worth it. :) I can almost hear SC (my roommate whom I've dubbed "skinny chick") gagging when she reads this.

<3 - CFC

I am so violently angry at myself right now.

So mad.

I made a mistake. I have been working so hard to be better- a better roommate, a healthier person, and a more fiscally responsible person.

I've been keeping a register for over a month now and I always know EXACTLY how much money I have. Today I woke up to a FaceTime call from my boyfriend. It didn't connect so I had to wait to call back. I checked my email and had a new email saying my overdraft protection had been used. I naturally assumed there was a mistake and went online and compared my register to my online account.

I managed to miss TWO transactions. One for a bit over $90 on groceries and my $25 transfer to my savings account. I now have $0 in my checking, $0 in my savings, and a charge to my credit card for overdraft protection.

The moral of this story? Keep better track of your expenses. I told myself that I wouldn't ask my grandma for money now that I worked full time and could support myself. Guess who I called for help today? I am so mad at myself.

I'm not irresponsible, I made a mistake. Though now my bf thinks I'm a "bit" irresponsible and I've always been a very responsible person and that kind of hurts my pride. Possibly my feelings. I'm too mad at myself right now to tell.

After doing the dishes and cleaning up the bit of clutter in the apartment, I'm going to shower and go to the gym. Because for some reason I won't work out until I shower even though I shower after. Because I'm weird like that. Today was no bueno.

<3 - CFC

I never got a chance to do an entry today/yesterday! Argh!

I was at the gym today and got to thinking about things that people did that bothered me and/or made me laugh. Then I started about thinking about blogging about it and here we are (my posts can't all be serious). And no, I don't plan on talking about "the gym" all the time. XD I'm just excited to be back so bear with me. :)

Make-Up

How do some girls manage to wear it and still look awesome after a work out?! Man, after I get done with my mile on the elliptical (use to be treadmill, damn foot) I'm a not-so-hot mess! But their super powered make up isn't my pet peeve/funny. There was a girl at the gym today in full make-up and with magically perfect hair and after each work out she would go back into the locker room to fix herself, then come back out. For some reason it drove me insane! I don't know why, it just did. XD It's like, no one (except apparently me) is actually watching you. No one cares how your face looks, people here are more impressed by your work ethic than anything. You look like you're not taking anything seriously.

Oddly Sexual Work Outs

I was at the stretching area and this old guy grabs two pink, medium work out balls (and I'm talking fleshy pink), puts them together, and proceeds to try to do push ups with one hand on each ball. I can't believe I kept a straight face. THEN when he gives up on the balls he laid on his back and basically pelvic thrusted the air. Normally I don't really notice other people, but man- the fleshy pink balls. XD I had to look. Then there was an old guy loudly grunting/breathing/I'm not sure each time he moved and looking at me and flexing. So that was interesting.

Locker Rooms

You know that person in the locker room that's just naked and doesn't care? They're just mocking you with their naked confidence. No one likes that person and everyone seems to not want to be naked ever despite changing clothes.

Well I'm the aforementioned asshole that's like, "gaze upon my pale, naked splendor!" Seriously people, we're all getting naked- it's totally fine right now to be naked. All I'm doing is changing clothes, it'll be ok if you do it too. Also, it's not confidence that allows my pale, naked glory to be shown off. It's that I just don't care. I'd be a nudist if I could, I imagine.

Well, I think that's it for now. :)

<3 - CFC

I love food.

I really do.

However, my relationship with food goes beyond just "hey, food is yummy." I am an emotional eater. I absolutely hate it. I was raised in a rather unpleasant environment (also called abusive). Children and teens that are raised in an out of control and stressful environment can try to regain a sense of control in different ways. Some develop self destructive behaviors, such as cutting, drug/alcohol/tobacco abuse, or eating disorders. Apparently, I went with the third option there. Instead of developing anorexia or bulimia, I depended on food to make me feel good because nothing else in my life could or would. Add to that the fact that we didn't keep healthy food around the house and you can probably see one of the reasons why I'm fat. I'm actually tearing up a bit thinking about how pathetic that is. Food and writing were my salvation. I think I spent more time in my own little world than I did in the real one growing up.

However, I am no longer in that sort of situation (I kind of ran away. Though I was over 18, so can I call it running away?). The problem with me and food is that it feels like an addiction now. I crave certain things and I HAVE to have them. I can't seem to process "healthy foods" like vegetables and fruit very easily because I didn't eat them growing up (I get SO sick if I eat too many). Sweets and greasy food can help me with an upset stomach. I absolutely hate it.

I've read somewhere before that people who are big and eat a lot can have a harder time cutting back than a normal person trying to cut back. According to something I read but am too lazy to find again, it said that the starvation instinct becomes stronger because our bodies are so use to a certain level of food. It is very hard to diet when your body (and in my case, my mind) are use to a certain amount of food and certain types of food.

I'm trying to eat less right now and it is INSANELY hard. Even though I know I'm not hungry anymore, my body keeps trying to get me to eat. My appetite is greater than my actual hunger or food needs. I feel like an addict in that if I give in and overeat/snack on crap food/eat whatever and whenever, I don't stop. I can't have just ONE cookie ONE TIME. It's either none or all of them. Using a calorie counting app helps because I can see how many calories/how much sodium I've had and can remind myself to stop, but that doesn't stop the cravings (also I'm lazy and will choose not to eat sometimes just so I don't have to record it. It's the same logic that helps me save money by using a register). I was doing so well yesterday... until I ate a crap ton of cookies and salsa and chips.

Why am I writing this? So that people out there that are just like, "stop eating so much" to fat people can understand that it's not that easy. For some of us, it feels like an addiction. The hunger mechanism kicks in and it's almost impossible to ignore.

"I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle." -Fat Bastard in Austin Powers. That's right. I quoted that here.

I literally have the same compulsion to eat that I have to shop (shopaholic here too, lol). I come from a long line of alcoholics with some drug addicts thrown in for good measure. Almost everyone in my biological family has some sort of addiction or use to be an alcoholic and I am no exception. I have a very addictive personality and the impulses are very hard to control. I'm trying right now to get addicted to the gym (endorphin highs are very good for starting addictions...). Eating healthy is tougher because I have to say no to everything. No sweets, no grease, no junk. It's hard to change an entire lifestyle and it won't happen overnight. I will have "relapses" and bad days. But I'll keep on trying.

<3 - CFC