In recent years, I have began to make more of a "New Year's To Do List" as opposed to one all consuming "New Year's Resolution". So many people just blatantly "resolve" to "be healthier" and to lose weight and then don't follow up on it because it's too hard or their resolution is too broad. I personally like to make goals and then make smaller goals that will lead me to reach my bigger goal. You can't just say "I want to lose 50 pounds." That's a very hard goal to achieve and you'll get discouraged because you can't achieve it quickly. You have to build a staircase (make small goals) to reach the level you want to be at (the main goal).

Setting "step goals" is a very important way of achieving one specific, big goal. If you look at my Progress Page, you can see that I have smaller goals geared towards achieving bigger goals. I have also listed the things (big and small) that I have been doing to try to become a healthier, all around better person.

My "New Year's Resolutions" for 2013 are:
    - Read the Bible.
            -At least 3 pages a day and I can do it. I've always said I would and this is the year.
    - Lose 30 pounds.
            -I already have tons of mini goals for this.
    - Ask at least one new person to dance each month.
            -Not really any mini-goals for this one, lol.
    - Pay off at least one credit card.
            -I have plans for taking a certain amount of each pay check out. I've already paid one                 off. :)
    - Cross off at least three things from my list of things to do before I die.
             -This one is kind of up in the air. I have a pretty big list of things to do before I die and I               kind of wing this one each year.

What are some goals that you have? Maybe some New Year's Resolutions? Write them down/type them up. Organize them and plan what you want to do. Make a checklist so that when you accomplish something, you can check it off. It is an amazing feeling to accomplish a goal, no matter how small, and it can keep you going when times get tough.

<3 - CFC

Hi everyone, hope you all had a good holiday season!

Today, I would like to talk about a fat "relapse." I can't think of a word other than relapse to describe it (though fatty/sugary foods ARE addictive. So it kind of works?) and I absolutely hate the phrase "falling off the wagon" because when the hell did I get on a wagon and who is driving (I'm sick and sleep deprived right now, prepare for weird phrases)?

I (ironically) wrote an article a little while ago about getting through the holidays. I pretty much ignored my own advice and did everything I promised myself I wouldn't do. I haven't been to the gym in two weeks because I was so busy with the holidays (I did manage a few, short work outs, a lot of walking, and some dancing), I ate a crap ton (and now feel like crap), and I even managed to go on a few shopping sprees (...I still don't feel bad about this last one). If I wasn't so out of it right now, I would be mad at myself.

Just a few days can tear down months of work when you're trying to make a change. I'm trying very hard right now to become a better person all around- better with money, healthier, a better roommate, etc. Completely losing all self control is not how I do that. I didn't even log calories or anything. What the hell have I been eating? (Answer: ALL OF THE COOKIES)

So I'm going to take my own advice (for once) and just let it go. I've said this many times, and I'll say it again: a lot of people stay stuck in a lifestyle they don't really want anymore (or totally fail at getting healthier/getting fit/losing weight) because they let one bad day (or a bad week or two, as in my case) discourage them. They don't want to put in the hard work to start up again so they quit. I went back to my old vices- so what? Does that somehow make me a bad person? Am I any less sexy because of it? NO. I might have put back on a pound or two (F-U scale, I'm not checking), but who the heck cares?! This is a journey, not some crash course diet. I'm trying to get healthier and lead a better lifestyle while still embracing my curves. This blog may come off as me trying to lose weight to become a skinny chick but it's not. I'm trying to get healthier and part of that is learning self control.

I'm going to take these last few weeks as a lesson and start over. I haven't failed at what I'm doing, I merely made a mistake.

I haven't failed so long as I haven't given up.

<3 - CFC

However many days ago, I got the topic submission: "Sexy underwear, we like it too!"

You know what? WE DO!

It is SUPER hard to find cute undergarments as a fat chick! SC and I went to Victoria's Secret and out of all the size L panties I bought, only one pair actually fit properly and even they aren't super comfy. My (I hate to admit this) tummy will push sexy underwear down. While self-pushing-down-panties are great for sexy-fun-times, they aren't good for ANYTHING else. I can't wear them out; I can't wear them if I want to walk! It's not even that I want a thong or anything like that, I just want something cute! Something with pretty designs that I can feel attractive in. It's the same issue that I have with finding cute/sexy bras. When you're bigger, it just doesn't happen. They just don't make things that big and it's not fair- I shouldn't have to go online to find cute bras or panties. I should be able to walk into the store the same as everyone else and buy what I want.

This comes back to ALL of EVERYTHING (classy phrase, I know) being geared towards skinny people in a country that's experiencing an obesity epidemic. It's not fair to big people to make everything only for skinny people. We're people too and we want to dress sexy the same as anyone else. Just because I am a bigger woman (I AM A FAT CHICK!!!) doesn't mean that I'm not sexy and that I don't want to dress sexy on occasion. Curves are beautiful and I shouldn't have to be ashamed of my body. The clothing industry causes bigger women (hell, even small ones!) to feel shame about their bodies and it isn't right. We are ALL people and we all deserve to feel prized and amazing in our own skin without an entire industry constantly putting us down.

Stay positive, friends. They're jerks and we're beautiful.

<3 - CFC

I've decided that I'm going to start watching some food/diet documentaries and summarizing them here. I'm learning things and then sharing them with you. Yesterday,  I watched "Hungry for Change" by John Colquhoun and Laurentine ten Bosch. It was a very interesting documentary about food and diet in America.

DIETS
"68% of US adults are overweight or obese." -Journal of The American Medical Association

"1/3 women and 1/4 men in the US are on diets" (Colorado University) and 60 billion dollars a year is spent on diet and weight loss products.

The true definition of a diet is the food that a species habitually eats to survive. The way we see a diet is a way to deprive ourselves to lose weight and look better. We go on these diets to look better on the outside instead of getting healthier from the inside out.

Diets aren't usually very healthy and don't achieve lasting results very often. "Up to 2/3 of those on a diet regain more weight than when they started." -UCLA  You can burn off 10 pounds with sheer force, but your body will take that to mean that there's a famine and will want to gain the weight back. We as mammals are programmed to store fat. It goes back to when we were hunter/gatherers and could potentially have to go a long time without food. We're programmed to store fat and programmed to want to eat fats and sugars and high calorie foods; it's a survival instinct. Going on diets goes against our survival instincts because it just makes our bodies think that we're starving and so they try to hold on to more fat and make us even hungrier.

Where we've gone wrong nowadays is that EVERYTHING is full of fat and calories. We're not eating food anymore, we're eating food like products that are dressed up and formulated specifically to be delicious and addictive. We're overeating, yet starving to death at the same time because we aren't getting the nutrients that we need. We live in a world of abundance and we just don't know how to cut down.

If we were to eat food that is our species would have habitually eaten BEFORE all the processed foods, we wouldn't have to even think about our health. The directors heavily promote eating "clean" and only eating natural foods, which is very good for you.

If you look at modern day hunters/gatherers in other countries (those people that still eat what their ancestors did), they consume a high amount of nutrients and a low amount of calories. If you look at us, we eat a high amount of calories and a low amount of nutrition. We've also moved from being active to working indoors and sitting for hours in artificial lighting. We live in an unnatural state eating unnatural food.

When you aren't getting enough nutrients (such as by eating only bad for you foods), your body becomes hungry because it's trying to get you to eat the nutrients it needs. This could explain why I've been less hungry lately; I'm taking vitamins (because I just can't seem to eat enough veggies) and I'm eating lots of vegetables and way less junk food. Now I'm not as hungry because I'm getting what I need. I'm losing weight just by being less hungry.

Another issue with dieting is that depriving yourself only make you want something more. We should turn "I want this, but can't have it" into "I can have this, but I don't want it."

SUGAR, SWEETENERS, AND MSG
"The average American consumes more than 150 pounds of sugar and sweeteners each year." -USDA The average American consumes 22 teaspoons of sugar A DAY.

Sugar, as the movie put it, is the cocaine of the food world and they have a very valid point. The white sugar that we're use to seeing is just the highly refined form of sugar, just as cocaine is highly refined. Sugar can be very addictive as well. People can understand an addiction to alcohol and drugs, but not to food. Sugar can give you a high and, just like drugs, you get use to it and you need more to feel it.

When you buy fat free products, they usually pump the product with carbs which turn into sugar which makes you fat. Fat doesn't make you fat (unless you eat TONS of it, I suppose), sugar does. Sugar is in A LOT of foods, not just candy. It's in bread, pasta, tomato sauce, and potatoes.

"MSG and free glutamates are used to enhance flavor in about 80% of all processed foods." -Raymond Francis M.SC.MIT

MGS makes you want to eat more. It excites the part of your brain that controls fat production and increases it. In lab studies, where they need an obese mouse to test, they feed it MSG so that it will fatten up quickly. When you eat MSG, that's what it's doing to you.

When you drink soda pop, which contains the artificial sweetener aspartame and high fructose corn syrup, it makes you momentarily happy. When that feeling goes away, you need more. Artificial sweeteners cause you to lose bone density, can cause neurological issues, and corn syrup promotes diabetes. "Research studies suggest that artificial sweeteners contribute to weight gain." - Yale Journal of Biology. A lot of studies that have said artificial sweeteners have no negative side effects were funded by the industries that use them. Biased much?

Corn syrup is the number one source of calories in the US and is also highly addictive. It's like jet fuel for your body if your body were a car. You wouldn't put jet fuel in your car, would you?

VISUALIZATION
The movie talked about how visualization can help you improve your life. A doctor in the movie tells people to look at themselves in the mirror twice a day and say "I accept myself unconditionally right now." When you love yourself, you become more positive and you become healthier. Visualization is a way to communicate to your subconscious what you want.

JUICING
Totally not getting into this. Juicing vegetables and fruits delivers the nutrients better and can help you be healthier and lose weight. However, I can't afford a juicer or that many fruits and veggies. If you can, go for it.

MY TAKE AWAY
After watching this documentary, I really want to start eating more natural; they make a lot of good points about the benefits of eating naturally. However, it's also expensive. I think I'm on the right path now by starting to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into my everyday diet. I want to start including more meats as well, like fresh chicken, turkey, and fish. Also beef because I love beef.

I also like their advice of "when you're stressed, don't eat." Mental and emotional stress make you eat more and you can't tell that you're full or eating too much because you're upset.

I suggest watching this movie. It's very informative and I actually really liked it.

Remember people, you want a lifestyle change, not a diet. :)

<3 - CFC

The holiday season, while festive and cheerful, can also be one of the MOST stressful times of the year. You have to buy presents, wrap presents, bake, send cards, resist eating ALL OF THE COOKIES (or is that just me?), and get to all of the places that you need to go in a timely manner (funny joke). People like me, who are emotional eaters, can have a hard time during the holidays. The stress and constant presence of delicious foods everywhere can combine into a fat nightmare.

BUT NOT THIS YEAR. (Ironically, as I write this, I am fighting to resist fresh donuts at my office.)

Here's what I suggest for the holidays:

STRESS:

STRESS. Some people can get soooo stressed during the holidays (*raises hand*). What I did differently this year is that I got everything done early. I made a list of all the people I needed to shop for and and bake for, figured out what I wanted to get each of them, and bought the presents. It's 12/13 and I am done with my Christmas shopping AND my cards (baking comes later). For cards I put everyone's addresses on address labels in Word and printed them out on stickers. Way easier. The stickers I bought came with a template number to use in Microsoft Word so that you literally just type in the addresses and print it. DONE. And it'll be ready for next year. SO much easier.

I also have been taking the time to just relax with some nice piano music. It doesn't have to be very long, but just a few minutes can really help.

As for the stress of getting everywhere..... I'll just fight that battle when it comes. I haven't figured that part out yet.

FOOD:

I'm going to approach this the same way I approach my meals and snacks everyday. As many of you know, I have an app called Calorie Count on my iPhone. I log everything that I eat so that I know exactly where I stand on calories. I can also look up food before I eat it to decide if it's worth it. If I see one donut (God I want that donut) is 400 calories, it makes me want it less (THAT IS WHAT I WILL KEEP TELLING MYSELF).

If you don't have a smartphone (get one....), just try to think before you eat. Treats are fine, but do you NEED five cookies? Why not just have one? That's how I got through Thanksgiving. I put small portions on my plate, cleared it, and then waited to let the food settle. Then I was full and didn't need seconds.

If you absolutely can't resist, try to limit it to the actual day of the holiday. A week long binge is probably a bad idea. Bad days happen- I know I'll have one and that I'll have to skip the gym a few times because I'll be out and about. But I will do my best!

Let's all do our best this holiday season to not overeat, to stay active, and to not kill anyone/blow up/go insane/go into credit card debt!

<3 - CFC

P.S. Here's some Holiday Diet Tips from WebMd and here's some Holiday Diet Myths!

There's been some new people that have started to read this blog that were referred here by Big Girls Do It Better from Facebook (WHO I LOVE) and I'll bet all the recent health blogs have them a bit confused.

So let me just say-

This isn't a health or weight loss blog. I just happen to be trying to lose weight and get healthier because I want to and because my blood pressure is trying to kill me. I LOVE being big. I LOVE having curves. I am BEAUTIFUL just the way I am and anyone that doesn't like that can bite me. I'm not built to be a skinny chick and I am okay with that. I just want to get down to a reasonable weight for my size so that I can be healthier.

What I DON'T LOVE is the stigma that society has placed on bigger people. This blog is where I can express and discuss my views on this (<3 comments), as well as talk about my progress and the things that I'm doing to be healthier.

MORE RAMBLING: I also write about my "health stuff" because a lot of things that I've read are written for skinny/in-shape people. I am neither of those. I'm writing about what I, a fat/out-of-shape woman am doing so that other fat/out-of-shape women can get some ideas if they want to get healthier (not that I'm saying being fat means you're unhealthy, but working out when you're fat and working out when you're skinny are two VERY different things). Plus everyone could use some health reminders/advice. :) It applies to all genders and body types. :D

All that being said...

Thank you all SO MUCH for supporting me in the endeavor! :D It means the entire world to me and really keeps me going! <3 <3 <3

<3 - CFC

I recently got to experience the joy of finding a lump on my left breast. It's small, ovalish, flat, and terrifying. Before you rush to the comments to tell me to go to the doctor- I totally did. That's where I was yesterday when I wasn't posting. I was LITERALLY shaking with fear. When they took my blood pressure, it was up to 154/90 and you could apparently see my heart beat. It doesn't help that I have an overwhelming fear of the doctor and the lump made the fear almost tangible. I still can't believe that I managed to go. I even managed not to cry once (did I mention my extreme fear of the doctor?).

The doctor at Planned Parenthood performed a breast exam and at first didn't even find the dang thing. I showed her and she felt it and I have a follow up appointment in February (where I plan on probably having a full on heart attack because it'll be THAT time of the year). She believes that it's nothing, but better safe than sorry! I'm to monitor it and report any changes in it immediately. At my age, it isn't very likely that I have cancer. Cancer generally (BUT NOT ALWAYS) occurs in older women, not 20 year-olds. However, they take these things seriously and want to make sure that it's okay, hence the follow up and today's article. I want my readers healthy! :D

It's recommended that you perform breast self exams (like the one below) and also go to your annual exam (PAP) with a doctor/gynecologist starting at age 21.

Consult your doctor if (source):

• You find a breast lump that's new or unusual
• A new breast lump doesn't go away after your next period
• An existing breast lump seems to have changed — it gets bigger, for instance
• You notice skin changes on your breast, such as redness, crusting, dimpling or puckering
• You notice changes in your nipple — it turns inward (inversion) or appears flatter, for instance
• You notice nipple discharge that's clear, yellow, green, brown or red.

If you find a lump, DO NOT PANIC. There are several things that it could be and it's not cancer as often as you'd think. Here's a description of the different lumps (you can find more details at this source):

CANCER: A malignant breast lump will have an irregular shape (not round) with a pebbly surface, somewhat like a golf ball. It will be very hard, like a slice of raw carrot. It may not be movable during a breast self-exam, but since tissue around it may move, it's sometimes hard to know if the lump is moving, or if healthy tissue around it is moving. A clinical breast exam and a mammogram will help to clear up the diagnosis. A needle biopsy would provide more information about the lump.

CYSTS: This breast lump will feel smooth and squishy. If you are pressing on a cyst, it will have some give to it, like a water balloon. A cyst can move around and can change in size during your menstrual cycle.

FIBROADENOMA: This will feel like a round breast lump, and can be hard or firm. It can be moved around during a breast self-exam.

PSUEDOLUMPS: This kind of breast lump can feel quite hard and usually doesn't change shape or size during a menstrual cycle. It may or may not be movable, depending on what it is actually composed of.

Make sure to where a bra that fits correctly and properly supports the ladies. Take care of your health overall to take care of your breasts. Overall, just stay vigilant. You're Batman and your body is Gotham.

Stay healthy, people!

<3 - CFC

I've always been a firm believer that women shouldn't be afraid to lift weights. It's a part of a balanced exercise program and can actually be kind of fun. It's satisfying to me to be able to lift more as I go along. You can do as much cardio as you want, but without some sort of weight training, you'll never get toned. Some of the benefits of weight training include:

• Lowering blood pressure (I'm becoming obsessed)
• Increasing metabolism (read: burn more calories)
• Burning fat!!!
• You'll have a tighter, firmer body (read: SEXY)
• Reduces the risk for some diseases
• You get physically stronger (TO BATTLE THE ZOMBIES)
• It's good for your bones
• You'll get toned and SEXY

I know that the free weight area at the gym can be intimidating (BELIEVE ME, I know) but you shouldn't be afraid! All those guys are paying attention to their own weights, not you. If you REALLY don't want to go there or don't have a gym membership, you can always do some weight training at home. You can get weights (they're pretty cheap for some small ones), use random heavy-ish objects, or even use your own body weight. Here are some links to some exercises that can be done at home with little to no equipment. UPDATE: I was contacted by someone and they shared this link with me: Calisthenics Exercises: The Complete List. This site has over 200 calisthenic exercises!

If you're like me and you go to a gym, the free weight area isn't scary, I promise. Just ignore the people that are picking up weights that weigh as much as you (I'm not helping, am I?). You can also use the machines (the majority of my weight training is done on the machines). They're easier to use and adjust and I personally prefer them.

REMEMBER: Warm up first, then stretch, THEN do weights, then cool down, then STRETCH AGAIN. You don't want to hurt yourself!

<3 - CFC

Yesterday, I received this topic request:

"Why doesn't the gym have motivational quotes on the walls? Like "You can do this!" or "Just 10 more minutes!" I think the lack of stimulation in the gym is what keeps me from going more often. I don't feel motivated when I'm there! :( (Sorry for the long ass topic request...)"

I emailed my own gym (Bellingham Fitness) and got this reply:

"Hi Alexa,

I'm not sure if the person writing the question comes to our gym specifically, but I will try and give you an opinion.

I personally like personal growth and motivational sayings, some don't like it.  Much like music it's really personal preference.

The most motivated people in the club seem to be:
-Involved in a community: classes, personal training
-On a program/ system: they know what to do when they get to the gym and why they're there.
-Have been working out for a long time, and just don't feel good (like themselves) if they don't work out. It's a big stress reliever and they enjoy feeling in shape.
-Are getting results

Having said that, I think having a place like the entries would be a good place to put up motivational sayings that could be changed out for variety.

Hope this opinion helps."

My Take on It:

Honestly, when I'm at the gym I am in my own little world. I don't take a cell phone with me or an iPod, I just zone out and focus. My motivation comes from within myself and my progress, though there have been many times before this where I have tried and failed- MANY, MANY times. It was usually due to time issues and mostly just laziness. As you can see in my progress page, I also think it's from a lack of self-discipline. I've begun to become more disciplined in all areas of my life and it has really helped me to keep going. (The progress page talks about that in more detail).

When I'm working on improving my mile time and don't think that I can go on, I'm telling myself that I can do it and that I can make it. Todd up above (that's his name, I believe) talked about getting involved; a lot of gyms offer free classes with your membership. If you're not stimulated enough, you can join a class and have people to work out with and an instructor to tell you what to do, motivate you, or answer questions. Gym staff are usually very friendly (mine are) and you can ask them any questions you may have. You could also consider a work out partner or a personal trainer. Gyms also frequently have TVs if you need something else to focus on.

From what I've learned about working out, stimulation and motivation has to come from within and from the exercise that you're doing- you won't be very interested if the work out bores you. I get stimulation from trying to beat my previous weight limits and mile times; I kind of treat it like a contest against myself (I'm hyper-competitive).

Some of my friends also do things like Zumba or other group fitness classes because for them, that's fun. Try to find a fun work out and you won't need posters! :)

Here's a list (you know me and my love of lists) of what I do to get motivated:

• I repeat to myself over and over again why I'm at the gym. "To fit in those dresses for the upcoming  weddings!" "To feel good!" "To look good!" "To be healthy!" "FOR NARNIA! (Facebook CFC Page joke)"
• I don't say "ten more minutes" because ten minutes is a LONG time. I say to myself, "Just one more minute of running! Then I can slow down!" Once I reach that one minute, I say it again. I keep going until I really do need a break or until I'm done. Sometimes I even use thirty seconds instead.
  
• Move to the beat of the music playing! :)
• I keep track of my weight and set small goals. If you check out my progress page, you can see my goals and how I keep track of them. If you set huge, unattainable goals, you'll lose motivation. A series of small goals leading up to a BIG goal is best! Nothing motivates like progress!
  
• Speaking of progress, I have two jars as shown below to track mine. One for "Pounds Left" (total pounds until I reach my goal) and one for "Pounds Lost." Each month when I weigh in, I get to move a counter from Pounds Left to Pounds Lost (hopefully). I have a star bead I get to move over for each goal weight and the mini disco ball is for my ultimate goal weight when I reach it. I keep it by my clothes to help motivate me. I've also tried sticking signs up in my kitchen to remind me not to snack too much or not to eat too much junk.
  

Overall, my take on it is that you're going to have to motivate yourself I'm afraid, but here's a lot of ways to do it! You could even get a wrist band that says something motivating for you too look at or maybe even cool work out clothes. Anything that you can do to motivate yourself is good. :)

<3 - CFC

I did this sort of topic once in the very beginning of the blog, but I wanted to do it again because it's my blog and I can vent when I want to. You would vent too if it happened to you.

As some of you may know, I'm going to be in a couple of weddings this summer. Dress shopping as the biggest girl has reminded me of the fact that I am A BIG GIRL. It's taken a sledgehammer to my self esteem. So for all the skinny people out there, THIS is what I and my fellow fat people have to deal with. Keep this in mind when trying to shove us in to dresses with all your skinny friends.

CLOTHES
Clothing and I have a love/hate relationship. I love cute clothes and the people that make the cute clothes hate fat people. They HATE us. To make matters even worse, skinny people DON'T GET IT. "I can fit into EVERYTHING, so why can't you?" Because I'm fat with big boobs! No, I can't fit into that God forsaken dress! Since when is a size L THAT SMALL?!

I had an absolutely wonderful experience the other day. One of my best friends is getting married and I'm one of the "groomswomen." His bride-to-be has been looking at dresses for the other groomswomen and I to wear. I've already had to have the "big boob" talk with her about how large breasts must have enough fabric to cover them in a dress. The other two groomswomen are large chested like me (at a D I'm the small one). However, they're also skinny whereas I am the fat friend. We finally found a dress that we all liked and they only go up to an L which is APPARENTLY a size 10-12. That ain't happening. So I got to give her the "I am fat" talk complete with my measurements because having to cry at my desk feeling like a fat slob wasn't enough of an embarrassment.

She couldn't seem to understand at first why the dress wouldn't work since it's stretchy and that maybe they could take it out. First of all, no dress is stretching SIX inches and looking good. Second, you can't magically add fabric to a stretchy dress to let it out. It doesn't work like that.

It's not her fault I'm fat and it's not her fault she doesn't get it because she's never had to be fat or well endowed. Her and my skinny friends will NEVER understand.

So remember people, fat people need more fabric.

BEING THE FAT FRIEND
Being the fat one in the group SUCKS. It sucks hardcore. I've had guys become my "friend" for the sole purpose of trying to get with SC. Here's a tip, boys: FUCK OFF. Grow a pair and go talk to her instead of using me.

My skinny friends also just CANNOT understand that I am FAT. "No, you're not fat." Bitch please. I can see myself and I can read a scale. I am FAT. I didn't say I was ugly, I didn't say I wasn't awesome (I am), and I didn't say I wasn't sexy. I'm fat and it's clear as day. QUIT BABYING ME AND LIVING IN DENIAL. I pride myself in being able to put myself in another person's place and to be able to get where they're coming from. WHY CAN'T YOU GET THAT I AM FAT?!

Going to the mall sucks. I might seriously stop going clothing shopping with SC and DF. They can go into Forever 21, Wet Seal, and ANYWHERE and find clothes. I get to tag along and get glares from the store workers because I can't fit into anything at their store. "Quit glaring, you're just jealous cuz you're flat chested!" I get bored and I feel like a COW. I leave the mall feeling like never eating again. Then when there's a store that I can fit in, they're bored and uninterested.

It's even MORE awesome when you also can't keep up with everyone else. I will avoid going places and doing things because I hate slowing down the group. I'm fat and I sweat, no I will not go for a hike, thank you though. And they JUST DON'T GET IT. "C'mon, it'll be fun!" How am I supposed to respond to your skinny ass that I am FAT and I can't GO THAT FAR and that my added layers make me SWEAT and I won't have fun because all that I'll be able to think about is how out of breath I am and how much I'm holding you back. GO ON WITHOUT ME.

THE DOCTOR
Ah yes, the doctor. The only other person that will acknowledge that I'm fat. I swear to GOD if I get one more weight loss lecture from them I'll scream. They should include that on my chart. "Already fat-shamed."

So there you have it, folks. I'm fat and I'm clearly angry about it right now. No, don't comment and tell me how awesome I am and how I can lose weight. Instead, maybe try to get people to understand what it's like being bigger and maybe, just maybe, don't belittle or discriminate against larger people. Even at my smallest I will still be a "larger" size. It's who I am. So take it or leave it.

<3 - CFC