O.M.G. A blog post when I’ve been constantly slammed?! I know, it seems too good to be true, lol. I missed you guys! :D This is going to be kind of rambling, so bear with me.
So as some of you may have noticed, I've gotten pretty into (read:obsessed with) fitness, which has put me into a bit of an awkward position. You see, I am for body acceptance of all sizes (no one should be actively shamed and hated just for their body), yet I now exist in this community that is ALL ABOUT changing your body.
On my personal FaceBook and Instagram accounts, I follow a LOT of fitness, health, clean eating, and transformation pages. As such, my news feeds are constantly full of slim, toned, and attractive (scantily clad) people. It’s called “fitspo,” or fitness inspiration. I have seen phrases such as "a moment on the lips is forever on the hips" and the like with these pictures, which makes it seem like it's all about losing weight and being thin.
On one hand, I love seeing people on the transformation pages that have gone from morbidly obese to fit because I know how much work it takes to commit to a new lifestyle and how painful it can be and those people are my freaking heroes. Anyone who decides to do something hard to better themselves (I’m talking about bettering their HEALTH, not LOOKS) is a champ in my world. It is incredibly hard to go from an unhealthy lifestyle to a healthy one. I’ve seen/heard of people that couldn’t even walk anymore being able to run again. I’ve seen/heard of people working through disabilities and diseases and those people just astound me because I don’t know that I could ever do that if I were in their shoes. That right there fills me with such fierce joy, pride for the person, and determination that I can barely contain it. It is truly inspirational.
So yeah. That's my rambling about being a fat chick in the fitness community (I suck at conclusions). It is the most rewarding thing that I have EVER done in my entire life, so long as I make sure to keep it real and positive. You choose how you view your world, so try to choose to be positive as much as possi
So as some of you may have noticed, I've gotten pretty into (read:obsessed with) fitness, which has put me into a bit of an awkward position. You see, I am for body acceptance of all sizes (no one should be actively shamed and hated just for their body), yet I now exist in this community that is ALL ABOUT changing your body.
On my personal FaceBook and Instagram accounts, I follow a LOT of fitness, health, clean eating, and transformation pages. As such, my news feeds are constantly full of slim, toned, and attractive (scantily clad) people. It’s called “fitspo,” or fitness inspiration. I have seen phrases such as "a moment on the lips is forever on the hips" and the like with these pictures, which makes it seem like it's all about losing weight and being thin.
On one hand, I love seeing people on the transformation pages that have gone from morbidly obese to fit because I know how much work it takes to commit to a new lifestyle and how painful it can be and those people are my freaking heroes. Anyone who decides to do something hard to better themselves (I’m talking about bettering their HEALTH, not LOOKS) is a champ in my world. It is incredibly hard to go from an unhealthy lifestyle to a healthy one. I’ve seen/heard of people that couldn’t even walk anymore being able to run again. I’ve seen/heard of people working through disabilities and diseases and those people just astound me because I don’t know that I could ever do that if I were in their shoes. That right there fills me with such fierce joy, pride for the person, and determination that I can barely contain it. It is truly inspirational.
I LOVE the constant encouragement and tips/ideas. I love the gym. I love doing meal prep every week. I love eating as clean as I can. I love my monthly challenges (that you can totally join no matter your fitness level) and 5K training. I love the feeling after a good workout. I love talking about it. I love trying to break personal records. I LOVE IT ALL.
On the other hand, even though they aren’t yelling “FAT PEOPLE SUCK,” the pictures can start to wear on me sometimes. I won’t complain about it since they’re just posting pictures, but I will state that seeing all these “perfect people” with encouraging words can kind of grate on my self esteem sometimes (which is on me, not them). They post about how great it is to be so attractive and fit (I can’t think of specifics) and as a fat chick, it kind of kills me. I find myself judging larger people (I immediately admonish myself and make myself stop) and myself because of what I see online. This is entirely on me. They are just posting pictures and it is ME who is interpreting them this way, for the most part. They talk so much about losing weight, that it can sometimes creep into my head that I need to lose more, too.
On the other hand, even though they aren’t yelling “FAT PEOPLE SUCK,” the pictures can start to wear on me sometimes. I won’t complain about it since they’re just posting pictures, but I will state that seeing all these “perfect people” with encouraging words can kind of grate on my self esteem sometimes (which is on me, not them). They post about how great it is to be so attractive and fit (I can’t think of specifics) and as a fat chick, it kind of kills me. I find myself judging larger people (I immediately admonish myself and make myself stop) and myself because of what I see online. This is entirely on me. They are just posting pictures and it is ME who is interpreting them this way, for the most part. They talk so much about losing weight, that it can sometimes creep into my head that I need to lose more, too.
I find myself trying not to eat certain things. I find myself beating myself up and judging myself for the "trash" that I have put into my body on my "bad" days. "How am I ever going to lose enough weight before the wedding if I keep eating like this?"
Damn it, Self, shut up!
Basically, I guess this post is about me trying to explain my conflicting love of the fitness community while running a blog called "Confessions of a Fat Chick." To me, fat is NOT a bad word, but I can sometimes feel this weird sense of embarrassment/shame when I tell people the name of my blog. I have no idea why. I guess it's just been taboo to say the word "fat" for so long that it feels like I'm saying something I shouldn't be (*gasp* I'm calling myself FAT in front of people?!).
I embrace who I am. If I stay at this size until the day I walk down that aisle, so be it. I am AWESOME. I have done things that I never thought that I could. I can run a mile now without stopping. I participated in my first 5K event. I may have had to walk a lot (it was 21 freaking degrees out and I'd never trained outdoors), but I DID IT. I have stuck with something for the first time in my entire life without quitting and that feels amazing. I am a runner now and I will try my hardest to NEVER stop.
However, there are days where I see how much further all of these other people have come or how "hot" they are and, as a fat chick, it starts to make me feel like I haven't done much or that I'm just some fatty. A nerd in cool kid's clothing, so to speak. I think that most people are like this and that I will sometimes feel this way, even if I get to my goal weight and am "perfect," too.
Don't let this blog post turn you off of a fit lifestyle; this is mostly in my head.
The people that I have met in the gym and online (large and small) are supportive of everyone no matter their size. The fitness community is just obsessed with being FIT and healthy, not looking perfect (depending on the individual). There are some that are obsessed with looking better, but by and large they just want to be healthier. My favorite pages talk about feeling better as opposed to looking better, which I love. It's just a few that can bring me down while lifting me up at the same time (if that makes any sense).
So yeah. That's my rambling about being a fat chick in the fitness community (I suck at conclusions). It is the most rewarding thing that I have EVER done in my entire life, so long as I make sure to keep it real and positive. You choose how you view your world, so try to choose to be positive as much as possi
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