Hi everyone! Long time no blog! :3

You may or may not be wondering how I've been or what I've been up to. Well, I've had a hard time thinking of something to blog about and I don't really want to blog for the sake of blogging, if that makes any sense, so I've been away from the writing board.

I'll dive right into the new thing that I am doing: I joined a group called Save Fitness, a group created by Tanji Johnson, an IFBB pro. What is IFBB, you may or may not be asking? IFBB is the International Federation of Bodybuilding and Fitness; Tanji is a body builder and competes in both physique and fitness. Yes, there are different levels in body building, as the pic below illustrates (fitness is where you do a routine that showcases your fitness level). Basically, this blog is about why I joined and some of the internal struggles that I have faced in doing so. I have only been a member for a few weeks.

PLEASE NOTE: If you wanna bash ANY of these women, you can get the (pardon the term) FUCK off of my website right the hell now. I don't tolerate fat shaming and I sure as hell won't tolerate ANYONE saying how "she looks like a man" or "she's too skinny" or whatever garbage someone's bigoted brain shoots out because I don't tolerate body-shaming PERIOD. I am ALL ABOUT body acceptance at any size, just as I am ALL ABOUT health at any size. These women are GORGEOUS and I will throw down with anyone that dares to say different. THERE IS NO WRONG WAY TO HAVE A BODY.

WHY I AM DOING THIS

I joined Save Fitness for a few different reasons. The first and foremost reason is that I desperately want more friends. Since I moved down from Bellingham, I've found that it can get kind of lonely, just the fiance and I. Not only that, almost NONE of my close friends are fitness minded; I can count them on one hand (dear friends reading this: I love you all, I swear!). I've always been more of a loner when it comes to doing things, but trying to learn more and be healthier has been REALLY hard to do alone. It's hard to try to "eat clean" or whatever when everyone around you (including the previously mentioned fiance) is pounding down delicious, delicious food and/or encouraging you to skip a work out and/or encouraging you to take a drink/stay up late. I need to be around people that have the same values that I am working so hard to develop so that I can stay motivated and focused, even when I'm around my friends that can eat for days with no consequences (and so maybe I can quit trying to eat my weight in donuts/pizza because I have an unhealthy relationship with food).

Another reason I wanted to join is because I wanted to see if I really could compete. I want to prove to the world that this fatty-since-birth, this the-fat-friend, could DO IT. I want to compete in 2015 in bikini or figure. I prefer the glam of bikini, but my muscle building ability and lack of balance/sass make me think I'll be better suited to figure. Neither is better than the other; it's for purely shallow reasons that I favor bikini (I prefer the suits and poses :3).

I've said it before and I'll say it again: IT'S NOT ABOUT LOSING WEIGHT. I DO NOT HATE MY BODY. It's about trying to be the healthiest I can be and I LOVE MY FAT, PALE BODY. Even if the below makes it seem like I don't.

MY STRUGGLES SO FAR

(If any of the girls in Save Fitness are reading this right now, this is not about you. You've all been great and supportive; this is all purely internal and based off of my own insecurities.)

My first, actual impression of Save Fitness was during the initial consultation. You, along with a group of however many other women signed up, come and meet with Tanji and she explains to you about competing to make sure that you understand how much work it really is. She also takes your through some of the poses. Tanji is AWESOME and I loved the girls I met and was super excited to learn more. On the other hand, I was painfully nervous.

I was the fattest, palest woman at that gathering.

I suddenly felt like a swollen whale and I just wanted to curl into a ball and hide. They were all very nice and I don't think anyone was judging me, but I was judging me and comparing my body to theirs. My mind was screaming "What are you even DOING here? LEAVE. You have no business here with these people. You don't fit in. Get out. Come back when you can stop being such a fat ass. LEAVE. You are the ONLY person here without a background in sports or ANYTHING. LEAVE." When Tanji said that we were going to be taking turns posing in front of everyone else, I almost died again. "WHAT?! I am WAY too fat to be up in front of these fit females! I AM A COW. Oh GOD they'll all see how pale, uncoordinated, and FAT I am." I love my body, I honestly and truly do. That being said, I am still human and sometimes, I can become almost paralyzed by insecurity. 

I want to tell you that I overcame it. I want to tell you that I said "I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR" and rocked it. I gave myself pep talks on the inside. I assured myself. I reminded myself of how far I have come. I did the posing in front of everyone and it was just as bad at it as I thought I would be. I want to tell you that I was strong and that I found my self-confidence again. 

The truth is, I went out to my car and cried when it was over. I just bawled my eyes out and I have no real idea why.

How could I, the perpetual fatty, every hope to compete? How could I fit in? How could I have ever thought that I would be WORTHY? Look at those girls, why can't I do that! Why can't I look like that? Why can't I BE that? Why have I been eating like I'm starving for the last three weeks? Why has it been months since I've seen progress? BLAH. BLAH. SELF DOUBT. BLAH.

Well, me being me, I went on to the next step, which was a private consultation with Tanji. Again, I want to tell you that I was super confident and killed it; I didn't. I saw that she had the girl before me take her shirt off (or maybe she just lifted it up, I can't remember) in the gym mirror while surrounded by people and I wanted to bolt for a second. What if she makes ME take my shirt off?

Long story short, she didn't, and it was alright. She was super cool. :3 

MY DECISION

Well, me being who I am, I can't just quit. I have this almost sick need to push myself well out of my comfort zone, even if it leaves me crying in a parking lot plagued by self-doubt and insecurity. I HAVE to work past this. I have to embrace who I am RIGHT NOW at any size because that is what I stand for. That is why I made CFC. CFC is like Batman: she is a symbol. (Heehee, I compared myself to Batman. That makes me positively giddy with glee.) I cannot let that symbol down, just like Bruce Wayne can't let down Batman. "People need dramatic examples to shake them out of apathy and I can't do that as Bruce Wayne. As a man, I'm flesh and blood, I can be ignored, I can be destroyed; but as a symbol... as a symbol I can be incorruptible, I can be everlasting." I will never stop striving to spread body acceptance and the only way I can do that is by ALWAYS accepting my body exactly as it is. THAT is what CFC is all about.

If Tanji asks me to take my shirt off in the gym (which apparently she does), I am going to take it off and everyone can gaze at my PALE, FLABBY GLORY AND BASK IN MY AWESOME.

I'll let you know how it goes. ;)

<3 - CFC

P.S. I need a Super-CFC logo STAT, now. :)

UPDATE, 6/11/2014: OMG. My friend made me a Super-CFC logo!!! :D :D :D I LOVE IT.

I've always been a firm believer that women shouldn't be afraid to lift weights. It's a part of a balanced exercise program and can actually be kind of fun. It's satisfying to me to be able to lift more as I go along. You can do as much cardio as you want, but without some sort of weight training, you'll never get toned. Some of the benefits of weight training include:

• Lowering blood pressure (I'm becoming obsessed)
• Increasing metabolism (read: burn more calories)
• Burning fat!!!
• You'll have a tighter, firmer body (read: SEXY)
• Reduces the risk for some diseases
• You get physically stronger (TO BATTLE THE ZOMBIES)
• It's good for your bones
• You'll get toned and SEXY

I know that the free weight area at the gym can be intimidating (BELIEVE ME, I know) but you shouldn't be afraid! All those guys are paying attention to their own weights, not you. If you REALLY don't want to go there or don't have a gym membership, you can always do some weight training at home. You can get weights (they're pretty cheap for some small ones), use random heavy-ish objects, or even use your own body weight. Here are some links to some exercises that can be done at home with little to no equipment. UPDATE: I was contacted by someone and they shared this link with me: Calisthenics Exercises: The Complete List. This site has over 200 calisthenic exercises!

If you're like me and you go to a gym, the free weight area isn't scary, I promise. Just ignore the people that are picking up weights that weigh as much as you (I'm not helping, am I?). You can also use the machines (the majority of my weight training is done on the machines). They're easier to use and adjust and I personally prefer them.

REMEMBER: Warm up first, then stretch, THEN do weights, then cool down, then STRETCH AGAIN. You don't want to hurt yourself!

<3 - CFC

Yesterday, I received this topic request:

"Why doesn't the gym have motivational quotes on the walls? Like "You can do this!" or "Just 10 more minutes!" I think the lack of stimulation in the gym is what keeps me from going more often. I don't feel motivated when I'm there! :( (Sorry for the long ass topic request...)"

I emailed my own gym (Bellingham Fitness) and got this reply:

"Hi Alexa,

I'm not sure if the person writing the question comes to our gym specifically, but I will try and give you an opinion.

I personally like personal growth and motivational sayings, some don't like it.  Much like music it's really personal preference.

The most motivated people in the club seem to be:
-Involved in a community: classes, personal training
-On a program/ system: they know what to do when they get to the gym and why they're there.
-Have been working out for a long time, and just don't feel good (like themselves) if they don't work out. It's a big stress reliever and they enjoy feeling in shape.
-Are getting results

Having said that, I think having a place like the entries would be a good place to put up motivational sayings that could be changed out for variety.

Hope this opinion helps."

My Take on It:

Honestly, when I'm at the gym I am in my own little world. I don't take a cell phone with me or an iPod, I just zone out and focus. My motivation comes from within myself and my progress, though there have been many times before this where I have tried and failed- MANY, MANY times. It was usually due to time issues and mostly just laziness. As you can see in my progress page, I also think it's from a lack of self-discipline. I've begun to become more disciplined in all areas of my life and it has really helped me to keep going. (The progress page talks about that in more detail).

When I'm working on improving my mile time and don't think that I can go on, I'm telling myself that I can do it and that I can make it. Todd up above (that's his name, I believe) talked about getting involved; a lot of gyms offer free classes with your membership. If you're not stimulated enough, you can join a class and have people to work out with and an instructor to tell you what to do, motivate you, or answer questions. Gym staff are usually very friendly (mine are) and you can ask them any questions you may have. You could also consider a work out partner or a personal trainer. Gyms also frequently have TVs if you need something else to focus on.

From what I've learned about working out, stimulation and motivation has to come from within and from the exercise that you're doing- you won't be very interested if the work out bores you. I get stimulation from trying to beat my previous weight limits and mile times; I kind of treat it like a contest against myself (I'm hyper-competitive).

Some of my friends also do things like Zumba or other group fitness classes because for them, that's fun. Try to find a fun work out and you won't need posters! :)

Here's a list (you know me and my love of lists) of what I do to get motivated:

• I repeat to myself over and over again why I'm at the gym. "To fit in those dresses for the upcoming  weddings!" "To feel good!" "To look good!" "To be healthy!" "FOR NARNIA! (Facebook CFC Page joke)"
• I don't say "ten more minutes" because ten minutes is a LONG time. I say to myself, "Just one more minute of running! Then I can slow down!" Once I reach that one minute, I say it again. I keep going until I really do need a break or until I'm done. Sometimes I even use thirty seconds instead.
  
• Move to the beat of the music playing! :)
• I keep track of my weight and set small goals. If you check out my progress page, you can see my goals and how I keep track of them. If you set huge, unattainable goals, you'll lose motivation. A series of small goals leading up to a BIG goal is best! Nothing motivates like progress!
  
• Speaking of progress, I have two jars as shown below to track mine. One for "Pounds Left" (total pounds until I reach my goal) and one for "Pounds Lost." Each month when I weigh in, I get to move a counter from Pounds Left to Pounds Lost (hopefully). I have a star bead I get to move over for each goal weight and the mini disco ball is for my ultimate goal weight when I reach it. I keep it by my clothes to help motivate me. I've also tried sticking signs up in my kitchen to remind me not to snack too much or not to eat too much junk.
  

Overall, my take on it is that you're going to have to motivate yourself I'm afraid, but here's a lot of ways to do it! You could even get a wrist band that says something motivating for you too look at or maybe even cool work out clothes. Anything that you can do to motivate yourself is good. :)

<3 - CFC

In earlier posts I waxed eloquent (actually, I rambled) about the gym and all of its glory. However, now that the honeymoon is ending, I'm reminded of some things about it that drive me quite mad. Since this is my blog, I'm going to rant about them to you:

The Time Commitment

On Thursdays and Fridays, I work 4am-noon, usually off of 1-4 hours of sleep. The last thing I want to do is workout. I go home, I talk to my deployed bf, and I pass out. I try to sleep for only two hours. About five hours later, I wake up.

There's also the numerous times where I've been late to things because I was at the gym. For some reason, I spend a lot of time there. I usually give myself a three hour window for an hour long work out. I think that's largely due to stretching, showering, and taking a break after cardio. But seriously? Where is all my time going?

I try to make sure that I make it to the gym four times a week, but there are sometimes when I have SO much going on that I can't and I feel bad.

The Soreness

I am so sore right now..... I feel OLD. SO OLD. Don't get me wrong, I know that it means progress and that I'm doing good and it's not painful to the point of I've hurt myself. But I would give a lot for a back/shoulder massage right now. Or underarm/chest massage (as awkward as that sounds). My shoulders are tense and I just want to go in a hot tub full of masseurs.

The People

I'm all about loving your body, but no one wants to see your white wife beater tank top completely soaked with sweat and clinging to your body. Please- wear a t-shirt. I just died a little on the inside.

Also, must you groan and grunt when working out? You sound like you're taking a dump or having sex (I can't quite tell) and it's distracting. A little is fine, but I shouldn't be able to hear you over the music and my own thoughts.

NEVER forget to clean your equipment. I saw a guy leave sweat drops all over a stair climber.

Furthermore, NEVER go around 5:30-6pm. It is a bad idea because it is very full. Everyone just got off work and is a robot. They do not need rest, they only need gym.

I really do like going to gym, but sometimes it makes me crazy!

<3 -CFC

I have developed some time management problems lately. I seem to have time to do everything BUT go to the gym.

I want to get up early and go before work, but I wouldn't get enough sleep then because I have a crap sleep schedule. One of the main problems between the gym and I is that I AM SO BUSY. Once my boyfriend deployed I had two options: 1) keep continuously busy or 2) go crazy. Since I genuinely enjoy being busy, I went with option one.

OPTION ONE TOOK OVER, MAN:

• I'm working overtime at work. 50 hours or so instead of 40.
• Two swing clubs.
• THE HOLIDAYS
• Preparing for the holidays (I go ALL out)
  
• People wanting to hang out all the time.
• Weekly dinner at a friend's place.
• Various projects
  

My gym hours don't jive right now because of the holidays. I NEED to remedy this or lose any progress I've made working out. So I'm going to try a few things. When I say I'm going to do something on this blog or on my blog's Facebook page (you see what I did there), I feel more obligated to do it because I've told other people I would. I think that's why I've failed so many times in the past. ANYWAYS-

Things to Do:

• I HAVE to go at LEAST three times a week. I feel like a total failure now if I don't.
  
• If I can't go in the afternoon, I'm going to have to get my fat butt up and go in the AM.
• I need to start going to bed no later than midnight. Earlier on the days when I work at 4am. This way I have a better chance of getting up to go to the gym on days when I can't make it later. 
• I possibly need to learn to say no to people. Or delay them. Either way.

If you have any ideas on how to fit this in, LET ME KNOW. I usually budget 2.5 hours for the gym. That's driving there, changing, elliptical, quick rest to rinse my face, stretching, weights, stretching, shower, dress, and then do my hair (which doesn't take long).


<3 - CFC

I never got a chance to do an entry today/yesterday! Argh!

I was at the gym today and got to thinking about things that people did that bothered me and/or made me laugh. Then I started about thinking about blogging about it and here we are (my posts can't all be serious). And no, I don't plan on talking about "the gym" all the time. XD I'm just excited to be back so bear with me. :)

Make-Up

How do some girls manage to wear it and still look awesome after a work out?! Man, after I get done with my mile on the elliptical (use to be treadmill, damn foot) I'm a not-so-hot mess! But their super powered make up isn't my pet peeve/funny. There was a girl at the gym today in full make-up and with magically perfect hair and after each work out she would go back into the locker room to fix herself, then come back out. For some reason it drove me insane! I don't know why, it just did. XD It's like, no one (except apparently me) is actually watching you. No one cares how your face looks, people here are more impressed by your work ethic than anything. You look like you're not taking anything seriously.

Oddly Sexual Work Outs

I was at the stretching area and this old guy grabs two pink, medium work out balls (and I'm talking fleshy pink), puts them together, and proceeds to try to do push ups with one hand on each ball. I can't believe I kept a straight face. THEN when he gives up on the balls he laid on his back and basically pelvic thrusted the air. Normally I don't really notice other people, but man- the fleshy pink balls. XD I had to look. Then there was an old guy loudly grunting/breathing/I'm not sure each time he moved and looking at me and flexing. So that was interesting.

Locker Rooms

You know that person in the locker room that's just naked and doesn't care? They're just mocking you with their naked confidence. No one likes that person and everyone seems to not want to be naked ever despite changing clothes.

Well I'm the aforementioned asshole that's like, "gaze upon my pale, naked splendor!" Seriously people, we're all getting naked- it's totally fine right now to be naked. All I'm doing is changing clothes, it'll be ok if you do it too. Also, it's not confidence that allows my pale, naked glory to be shown off. It's that I just don't care. I'd be a nudist if I could, I imagine.

Well, I think that's it for now. :)

<3 - CFC

Hi everyone! Just a warning, I love zombies and I'm a nerd, so that kind of humor might creep in to these posts from time to time. Like the picture above. So, let's get started with my super awesome blog post- what this fat chick does to work out! When you're heavy set and out of shape (or just out of shape) or you're like me- heavy set, out of shape, messed up one ankle and hurt the other foot, then you have to be kind of careful about working out- especially when you're just getting started. DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional, nor am I trained. This is just what I do for myself and what I have learned from different people and going to the gym (that includes high school gym, lol). Consult a professional or a doctor if you want legit advice.

So that being said- what are some good reasons to work out? I ask this because your reason is your motivation. It's what will get you started, make you go to wherever you work out, and get you through the hard parts (because there WILL be hard parts. I've given up a lot- I KNOW THESE THINGS).

Some of my reasons are (I love bullet point lists):

• I need to lower my blood pressure. It was 132/73 yesterday after having my car REALLY need break fluid, so I think I'm doing okay. The reason I have to work on this is because 1) I don't want blood pressure meds (it use to be 140/90) and 2) they'll take me off estrogen birth control pills and I NEED those. WARNING, TMI: I get the real, bad kind of PMS. Estrogen rules. /TMI.
• My boyfriend said that if I can get down to a 12 minute mile, we're going on a cruise when he comes home (I suck at running).
• I want to be comfortable in my own body. It's not just about losing weight, it's about feeling good. Nothing beats the high after a good work out (except after a good shopping trip).
• I want to be able to keep up with my friends. No one enjoys being the fat friend huffing and puffing in the back. Trust me, I know.
• Too many weddings coming up and everyone wants to put me in a fancy dress...
• Cute clothes- I WANT THEM. I am so insanely jealous of my thinner friends that can fit into all the cute clothes. I can't even shop at half the stores in the mall.
• If there's a zombie apocalypse, I will be the first to die.
• I also would have died first in the Hunger Games.

So, determine your reasons so that you can remind yourself why you're making yourself go sweat or getting up early in the morning. Write them down- I keep mine in my agenda I use as a work out log.

Next, figure out where you're going to work out. I like the gym because I can zone out and just work out. I can't work out at home because I get distracted. Find what works best for you.

So, finally- my actual work out

It's very basic what I do. I go (will be going, whatevs) four times a week- Tue-Fri. I start with half an hour of cardio on the elliptical. I have never liked the elliptical, but it's a lot easier on your joints (esp when you're big) and it keep me from re-injuring my ankles. It feels like walking in sand and it pauses if you go to slow. I usually try to do my fastest mile time at first, then spend the rest of the time cooling down. I'm so out of shape now that if I don't get my heart rate down, I get dizzy when I stop moving.

Then I stretch. Always warm up and  then stretch. It's good for you. Stretch when you're done too.

Then I do weights. I push myself without hurting myself because if you hurt yourself you have to stop and that defeats everything. I alternate days so that I don't overwork anything. Arms/abs/upper back one day and then legs/butt/lower back the next. I keep track of when I do each day so that I don't do the same thing twice in a row. You have to give your muscles time to rest!

I use both the machines and the free weights. If you don't know how to use something, don't be afraid to ask! Trainers and gym staff are there to be asked questions and to help you.

Make sure to drink plenty of water, but not so much water that you get sick. Stretch after warming up and stretch when you're done. Most of all- don't get discouraged! Improvement takes time! Practice really does make perfect. :) And don't forget to have fun! Make sure you ENJOY your work out or else you won't do it. Maybe my sort of thing works for you, maybe group classes work, maybe work out tapes and stuff at home does the trick. Also remember- losing weight isn't the most important thing, being healthy is. Curves are sexy.

<3 - CFC

Hi everyone! :D I've received a lot of support for this blog so far, which is super awesome. I wrote yesterday about what I look for in a gym (because I just rejoined one) and so now I want to talk about what I take to the gym because I am picky and you might be to. That and I've forgotten some of these things and then hated my life because of it. Pretty much everything on this list I've learned to bring the hard way. Do what works for you, though. :)

CLOTHES/SHOES:

• The actual clothes you'll work out in. I wear a T-Shirt and cotton capris because I like my clothes to be able to breathe (sweat is nasty and I sweat a lot. Sexy and I know it).
  
• BRING CLEAN UNDERWEAR IF YOU PLAN ON CHANGING BACK AT THE GYM. Trust me, just do it. I didn't once. EW. Just ew.
  
• Make sure you have comfortable shoes made for running (I do cardio).
  
• Different socks to wear while working out.
• SPORTS BRA, LADIES. Wear one.
  

TOILETRIES
So I take a shower after I work out. I'm also a girl with hair needs. If you just drive straight home in your work out clothes/come in them, you can ignore this. I come in street clothes, completely change, work out, shower, then change back. Because I don't like sweaty clothes.

• I use travel bottles and fill them with my shampoo, conditioner, and body wash.
  
• Wash cloth/whatever you use to bathe.
• Something to carry the toiletries in that can get wet.
  
• Your hair product (if you use any). I have the same product in my gym bag that I use at home. You can just transfer your product from the gym bag and back again if you want, but I don't like to.
• DEODORANT.
• Anything else that you would use in the shower/after taking one.
• Towel and something to put it in so it doesn't get your clothes wet. I have a little cloth bag.
• Flip flops to wear in the shower. Do it.

MISC
Here's some random stuff that I make sure to have.

• Something to carry everything, usually called a gym bag since you take it to the gym and all. Mine is pretty big and has a compartment just for my shoes. It also has an outer pocket where I keep toiletries and another outer one for product/whatever. Use whatever works for you. This bag doubles as the bag I use when I go on vacation/home for the holidays so it's a bit bigger.
  
• Pads/tampons for the ladies. Never be without!
• Extra hair ties/clips.
• A lock. Mine is a padlock, so I wear the key on a necklace under my clothes. I use to have a combo lock, but I lost it. :(
  
• Weight training gloves if you're like me and have wimpy hands. Otherwise my hands hurt.
• I have a planner that I keep track of my work outs and weigh-ins in. I usually do cardio for half an hour, so I track my mile time. Then I track what part of the body I worked out- Arms/Abs/Chest or Legs/Butt/Back. I switch which area each day so the other gets a rest.

<3 - CFC

I went to the gym today!!!

:D

For the first time in forever. I'm actually there now waiting to enroll. So I'm gonna write a post about what I look for in a gym. :)

1. Do I need a contract? If so, good bye. I got hurt and couldn't go to the gym anymore and got stuck in a contract. It's a bit more expensive per month depending on the gym, but it sucks to get stuck.
2. Do they have a lot of cardio equipment, such as treadmills and ellipticals? I do a half hour cardio and a half hour weights- in THAT order. Those things fill up fast and I want them to have a lot.
3. Will their hours fit in with my schedule? The gym I'm sitting in has the hours I need to make it at least 3-4 times per week with my work schedule.
4. Do they have a variety of equipment? You don't want to get bored.
5. Is the equipment up to date? Don't want old stuff that looks rickety!
6. Do they offer classes? This is optional but nice to have. :)
7. Is there good music? I don't bring headphones so I like good music. :) Also optional.
8. Is the staff friendly?
9. Is there a variety of people? I would hate to only work out with athletes, lol. Not that I don't like athletes, but they intimidate me.
10. Is it close? If I have to drive an eternity and search for parking, I'm not goning to want to go.

I'm all enrolled! Monthly fee of $38 at Bellingham Fitness under the student plan!!! :D I'll probably right about things not to forget when going to the gym tomorrow. Because I forgot some things. I'll probably talk about my work out routines too, at some point. :)

<3 - CFC

Is it weird to be a bit nervous to go to the gym?

I don't know how many of you experience this sort of thing, but I haven't been in forever and I'm a bit nervous. I'm excited because I missed it, but I'm also nervous. It's like, what if I can't remember how to use any of the equipment and I look like an ass?

It's more than that, though.

I've talked to other big girls and we all agree that it can be very nerve wracking to go to the gym. We fear a certain level of judgement from the other people there. Here are some common thoughts we big people experience:

• "Do they think I'm fat and lazy?"
• "Am I jiggling? Please, PLEASE don't let me be jiggling. I am, aren't I?"
• "Sweet GOD, why do I sweat more than anyone? Is it because I'm fat?"
• "Oh Lord, I'm so out of shape and everyone else is so fit."
• "I keep having to stop and no one else is.... I bet they think I'm out of shape."
• "How did the last person lift this much?!"

As you can see, some people have a hard time going to the gym because they get self conscious going. It can become a mental battle just to get through your work out. I'm not saying that all big people (hell, I'm not even saying that only big people get the Gym Jitters!) have these thoughts, but I've talked to many people that get nervous.

I've heard at least one other friend who had a girl be nasty to her. I've even had a skinny girl give me dirty looks while I was trying to work out. It hurts when people do that sort of thing. We're at the gym, trying to get healthier and lose some weight and then when someone affirms our self doubt, it can really damage our progress. We're already ranking on ourselves, no one at the gym needs that kind of disrespect.

So all that being said- conquer your gym jitters!!! I get self conscious just going for a walk to work out, but we're being silly! A lot of the people at the gym are so focused on their work out that they don't notice anyone else (unless you're like, yelling or something). The gym is actually pleasant to go to (at least for me). You get to use nice equipment, it's a place where your phone/life can't bother you because you're just there to work out, and it can be fun and relaxing! You get to just focus on yourself and what you're doing. :)

All that being said, I'm going to do my darndest to go to the gym today! You hear that, sleep deprived body? We're going to take a nap and then work out!

That's right. I just talked to my body. Online.

<3 - CFC