Hey everyone! 

So I haven't blogged in about two months and I feel bad about it. One reason is because I was super busy and the other reason is because I couldn't think of what to say. I didn't know what to blog about and I think I was scared of what people would say about what I was thinking. Well, fear's never stopped me before, so why start now?

As many of you know, I started the Labrada 12 Week Challenge back at the end of January and I was SUPER excited about it. I am still doing the challenge (the last day for me is April 28) and have actually lost eight pounds since starting it. I love what it's taught me about weight lifting and I love what I've learned about eating. I love the ladies that I've "met" through the group. I genuinely love the challenge.

What I don't love about the challenge is the eating portion.

In the challenge, they want you to eat clean (Google it, I'm not going into it), eat small meals throughout the day (which works for me), and hit a certain calorie/macro count (macros are proteins, fats, and carbs). For the first month, I did AMAZINGLY well. I lost seven pounds in one month, which is my greatest amount of weight lost in a month yet. I stuck to that plan like glue and felt pretty good that I was doing it. However, my fiance doesn't follow the same plan and neither does any other person in my life.

Almost every day, my favorite foods were being eaten in front of me and I couldn't participate. I completely freaked out when someone wanted to go out to eat because WHAT WOULD I EAT?! Would it fit my macros? Was it cheating? I hated it. I had to bring a cooler if I stayed somewhere overnight. I had to bring a cooler and make clean muffins for my own BIRTHDAY party. 

One week into month two, I broke. There was a tasting that I had to go to for my wedding and I was anxious. They were sampling out EVERYTHING and I would be damned if I didn't try it all (I'm glad I did since I ended up changing the menu). I ate more in that one meal than I normally did almost all day, I believe. It was kind of awful and I felt like total crap, but if I am paying thousands of dollars for food, you bet I'm going to make sure that it's EXACTLY what I want! And guess what? IT WILL BE NOW. 

I don't know if my old, repressed unhealthy ways were triggered by a chemical reaction due to what I ate (like giving alcohol to an alcoholic, though clearly not as bad) or if it was all mental after restricting myself so much. Either way, something broke inside me and I couldn't help myself; I just ate whatever the hell I felt like. I still followed the work out plan, but I was totally lost on eating once I got home from work. At work, I do great. My breakfast and all my meals throughout the day are packed and I eat them two hours apart and I drink lots of water. Once I get home, all bets are off. I won't say that I binged, but I definitely ate more than my calorie/macro counts allowed and I ate whatever the hell I wanted.

It's been just over three weeks since that dinner and I am finally slowing down. I only lost one pound during month two and that pound is a testament to how great the workout plan is. I've been reading about nutrition more and about different plans that people follow, as well as a bit about eating disorders. I don't think I have one, but following this strict plan was seriously damaging my relationship with food and making me fear it. It was never going to be sustainable for me, not even for twelve weeks. Maybe, just maybe, if I lose enough weight and decide I want to compete in a bikini contest, I will stick to a twelve week plan. But not right now. I am planning a wedding and working like crazy and have a million stressors in my life. I can't keep up with all of that AND a strict meal plan.

It doesn't help that the lady running the program (who I adore and am not saying ANYTHING bad about because she is AMAZING) keeps telling us that ANY cheats are bad and that we shouldn't have problems with this since it's "only" twelve weeks long. Here's the thing: she is a FITNESS MODEL who is married to a man that also works in the fitness industry (I think he does body building and personal training, but I haven't been enough of a creep to find out). She's been doing this FOREVER and has a great support system. She was an athlete growing up (totally read her book) and gained weight from partying in college. I was a bullied fat chick in an abusive home growing up and I didn't have time for sports (nor was I inclined to play them). Food got me through some bad things at home and kept me sane. My relationship with food and hers are VERY different. She was fat for a few years. I was fat for my WHOLE LIFE (well, I still am). My cravings and habits are naturally going to be stronger due to this and far harder to fight than hers. I'm not saying this to belittle her struggle; I think what she did is AMAZING and she inspires me. I have pictures of her on my inspiration board. But I can't compare myself to her because we are very different people. I can't be what she is right now. I can't do what she does because I'm not there yet.

So, with all that being said, I am done with the strict meal plan. I don't even think I can do the plan where you eat whatever you want so long as you hit your caloric/macro count (If It Fits Your Macros or IIFYM). It just isn't for me right now in my life. Instead, I am just going to try to limit my calories while trying to make sure I eat more protein than I did before this challenge (the challenge wants you to get 40% of you calories from protein, which I've learned is harder than I thought and I clearly wasn't getting enough protein before). I will still eat MOSTLY clean. This is doable for me. This can extend beyond a twelve week challenge. Yes, this is JUST twelve weeks, but damn it, I can't mend my crappy relationship with food by viewing it as the enemy. I need to make my relationship with food healthier and get more comfortable with it before I can attempt a strict food challenge again (because I know that I probably will).

That all being said, I LOVE the twelve week challenge and I am going to do the next one for sure. I am FINALLY back to my pre-college weight and in the best shape of my life, partly because of this challenge (the awesome muscles are almost ALL from this challenge). I have learned more about myself, health, and nutrition than I thought I would. I learned that I have some pretty big weaknesses that I wasn't aware of and I have something concrete to work on now. I have grown from this challenge and have made some serious progress, which is what it's all about. I can go into month three and kick some serious butt doing things MY way and there is no shame in that.

<3 - CFC

I'm kind of sad, honestly, that some of the above jokes exist.

For those of you that don't know, a "New Year's Resolutioner" (shown on the right) is someone that decides that their New Year's resolution is to "lose weight" or "work out more" or "be healthier" or anything else vague like that. Bear in mind that I am 100% FOR doing any of those things, HOWEVER (and I have totally done this myself more than once.... a lot more than once...), people make these big, lofty goals and then quit after a week or so because they're too hard to reach or they "don't have time." 

OF COURSE they're too hard to reach; they're vague and HUGE goals. If you want to reach ANY goal, any goal at all, you have to make smaller goals leading up to that big goal. That is how you make a huge goal achievable.

If something is important enough to you, you will MAKE time for it. Getting healthier was important to me, so I started using my lunch hour to go to the gym. I do Monthly Challenges to try to work on specific areas of my body each month (I've even broken up the workouts so that I could do them in the bathroom whenever I needed to go). There is time in there somewhere to do whatever it is that you want, be it writing a book, working out, reading more, or whatever. You just have to determine what it is that you need to sacrifice. That's right, reaching goals take SACRIFICE, which is something that I've noticed very few people want to do. I've always been about sacrifice (that sounds weird, just roll with it), so when I tied making sacrifices to sacrificing time to be active, it made sense and now I'm addicted.

For examples about small goals, take a look at my Progress Page (what it sounds like) and my Areas of Improvement page (where I write about the changes I've made/am making). Not to be a total ass and be like, "look at how great I am!" (because I'm not and I screwed up a LOT this past year), but as you can see, this is the first year where I actually wrote down my mini goals and tracked them and it's the first year EVER where I have stuck to ANYTHING. I never stick to things I set out to do (like this) and it's insane to me that I did it. Part of it is the tracking and part of it was that I made myself accountable to you, the reader. You may not care if I do well at whatever, but it doesn't mean that I want to tell you I failed. "Hello there Internet Stranger! I AM A FAILURE." Those two pages are living documents and I change them as I change, all in the pursuit of my overall lofty goals.

Basically, what I am trying to say can be summed up like this:

• Make small goals to reach your big ones.
• Sacrifice in order to make time.
• Do not quit immediately.
• Do not beat yourself if you stumble or quit for awhile; you don't have to wait until the New Year to make a change.
• Do not expect change to happen overnight.

In the fitness/meal prep community, there is a saying that I, and many others, follow that expresses my main point perfectly:

           “Fail to plan, plan to fail!”

According to my friend Google, the original quote ("If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail!") was from Benjamin Franklin. If you do not make a plan to reach your goals (pre-making food, a workout plan, a balanced monthly budget, a basic plot for your book, etc), you will fail. 

Now get out there AND PLAN SOME CHANGES! :D

Happy Almost New Year,
<3 - CFC

Go ahead and take a moment to read this article. Next, read the comments on the article. This is just one of many articles about the following picture

Recently, the Internet blew up over a picture of a fit looking, half-dressed woman with three children around her. The caption of the picture says "What's your excuse?" The woman in question is Maria Kang, 

The Drama

I've read quite a few articles centering around this picture and the criticism that is has drawn from some people. Some people have said that she is a bully. Some people have said that she's an inspiration. 

I personally don't think that she's either.

On the "bully" side, I can see their point, though I think that calling her a bully is extreme. She didn't say anything bad about anyone else. It's not the fact that she's skinny/fit that caused the complaint, it's the caption "What's your excuse?" that caused an issue. Not every woman's body can bounce back so quickly after childbirth, even with working hard. Some women have health issues that prevent them from looking like this or being able to be super active. Some women have diseases or take medication that make them literally incapable of losing weight. A lot of women have insecurities, and this picture seems to have sent them all bubbling to the surface. So many of us have been bullied that we're quick to snap at someone that we perceive as a bully. However, fat people that were bullied by thin people turning into bullies towards thin people is just as bad. It's a vicious cycle that a lot of people are stuck in.

On the "inspirational" side, I can see how people find her inspirational. She is a mother of three that works a LOT, has two businesses, and just has a lot going on and she still manages to look like that. She takes time out of each day to exercise in order to look like that. She makes sure that her family is healthy. She worked hard for that body and for that confidence and I commend her for it. I hope to be able to develop that kind of conviction and drive.

The biggest complaint has been that pictures like this just further the image that ALL women should strive to look like this. The caption with the image kind of reads as: "What's your excuse for not being this hot?" She's wearing hardly any clothes and posing in a very... I don't want to say sexual way because it's not really sexual (not with the children there), but in a "provocative" way while not wearing a lot of clothing. Women are told EVERY DAY that we should be working out and getting toned and look like air-brushed models at all times. A lot of women have commented saying that a different caption wouldn't have made this such a big deal. Something like, "it's possible" or something less personal than "what's your excuse?" 

All this being said, I don't think that's what she meant to do at all and I have zero issue with this picture. I don't think that she was fat shaming, being a bully, or asking us why we're not as hot as she is. My issue is with the comments on the articles.

My Take on It

Here is my issue with this whole "controversy:" women are just tearing each other down. Instead of empowering each other to do better and be better, we're too busy yelling "fat shaming!" or "thin shaming!" at each other to do anything else. Women are fighting in the comments sections of all the articles I've seen and it makes me sad. This picture never even said anything about being fat, but the personal question "What's your excuse?" sent some people up in flames.

Related Tangent: I hate the phrase "only dogs go for bones, real men are into curves" or meat or whatever. I didn't always hate that quote until a friend of mine (who is thinner) pointed out that it was rude. And it is. The phrase she ACTUALLY pointed out was, and I quote, "once you go big, you never go twig." I posted this phrase on my FaceBook page and she pointed out that it is exactly as offensive as saying that "once you go skinny, you'll never go big." The first is thin-shaming and the second is fat-shaming and I agree with her.

Yes, we fatties have gotten a lot of grief over the years from bullies in our personal lives and the media, but thin people have insecurities just like fat people do and feel the same pressure to be perfect as we do. Without telling my friend's story, I know that she was bullied and she's thin *gasp*. BULLYING HAPPENS TO EVERYONE, REGARDLESS OF SIZE. If you were ever bullied, why would you EVER want to cause that kind of pain to someone else?

Want to know a really awesome secret? "Fat" people and "thin" people ARE BOTH PEOPLE. We divide up into two opposing camps and shame each other and it is WRONG. Furthermore, those two quotes demean men just as much as they do women. They assume that men are "dogs" or basically only after sex. These two quotes. which I've read in the article comments, are sexist and WRONG.

SO...

Basically, my point is that we as people should all just learn to accept each other. I can't (and don't want to) control your actions or life, so I can't judge it. I don't know your heart, I'm not you. My only request is that you don't judge me since you don't know me. Just like we don't know Maria Kang or all those people yelling in the comments.

So yeah. Quit shaming each other and bullying each other.

If you have never worked in customer service before, go get a retail job. Right now.

Don't wait, go now.

Working in customer service makes you a nicer person when you interact with other people that work in customer service because you understand the hell that they work in. I can always tell the people who have never had to work in retail because those people are total assholes when they call me at my work. I work in a call center right now, so I get the nice ones and the ones that scream at me about how I don't understand and blah, blah, blah. Lawyers and doctors have been the worst for me. "TALKING TO YOU RIGHT NOW IS COSTING ME MONEY!!!" Well then, QUIT YELLING AT ME AND IT'LL TAKE LESS TIME. The more you interrupt me to tell me about how awful it is that life isn't perfect, the longer it's going to take to solve your problem. If you don't have anything nice to say, shut up and let me work.

Here, this link shows why a lot of people hate their lives when they work in customer service. There's a lot of awesome, rockin' customers out there that I will bend over backwards for, but the few real assholes always stand out way more because those people can just ruin your day.

That brings me to my first tip for working with customer service.

1. DO NOT SCREAM AND SWEAR AND BE A JERK

Seriously, don't do it. It actually makes the interaction slower because we have to spend half of it "deescalating" your little temper tantrum. How would YOU treat someone if they were screaming and swearing at you? I am not as helpful to mean people because I want them to go away. I will not point out things that could save them time or money because honestly, I don't notice those things when I'm trying to calm someone down. I don't want to deal with them any more than I have to because they are unpleasant. Want faster, better service? BE NICE.

2. DON'T CALL IN WHILE TAKING OTHER CALLS/DON'T TALK ON YOUR PHONE DURING CHECKOUT

God this one annoys me. If you are calling in for customer service or tech support, don't take a bunch of other calls while on the phone with the representative, you're screwing up that rep's call time. Yes, you are the customer and yes, you are important. But that representative on the other line is a human that is more than worthy of your respect. This rule applies to being on the phone while at the register of a store. It's just plain rude and disrespectful. How would YOU feel if someone did that to you while you were trying to help them?

3. CALL WHEN YOU HAVE FREE TIME

It bugs me when people are like, "I don't have time for this" or "I am in a hurry, can we speed this up?" I can try to go faster, but honestly, it takes as long is it takes. Quit rushing me.

4. DON'T SAY THINGS REALLY, SUPER FAST

If you say stuff really fast, we're going to have to ask you to repeat it and we might get it wrong. On the other hand, don't say stuff horribly slow. It takes up our call time and is annoying (though preferable to the fast talk).

5. DON'T BE CREEPY

Seriously. Don't. I had a guy that said things so borderline inappropriate on a call that I had to take a break afterwards because I was so uncomfortable. We HAVE to be nice to you on the phone, don't take advantage of that. It's not fair to us. I had some serious creepers when I use to work in a grocery store, too. Would you want someone creeping on you? Would you want someone creeping on YOUR daughter/sister/mother/aunt? 

6. SURVEYS REFLECT ON THE REPRESENTATIVE, NOT YOUR PRODUCT

I got an "unsatisfactory" survey back that said I was fine but that they didn't like the product. Thanks, jerk. I now have a bad mark because you don't like something I can't control. 

7. KNOW WHY YOU'RE CALLING

This will save you time and enable your rep to help you better. Try to figure out your question before you call in to a call center or else you'll end up on the phone for half an hour just trying to figure out what you want. If you just aren't sure how to say it, well, call in then and we'll figure it out, lol.

8. KNOW YOUR INFO

This one makes me laugh a bit. People call in and don't know anything about their account and then have to put me on hold to go get it all together. It will save both of us time if you grab that ahead of time.

9. THE CUSTOMER IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT

I'm sorry, but they aren't. There's even a site called Not Always Right that talks about all the silly things that customers say/think. I know that I as a customer have been wrong and when I was, I accepted that. I hate when people think that they are ALWAYS right and then argue with me to try to get their way.

10. DO NOT PRESUME TO TELL ME HOW TO DO MY JOB

Just don't. It's rude. I don't tell you how to do yours. :P

11. DON'T GET PISSY THAT WE NEED TO VERIFY YOU

When you call places, they ask you a bunch of questions to make sure you are who you say you are because fraud happens. A LOT. And I mean A LOT. I get calls from people all the time who need to update their credit cards because of FRAUD. Just answer the questions.

12. DON'T TRY TO BARTER WITH CUSTOMER SERVICE

Save it for the sales department. We can't do anything for you, so don't get mad when we say no. We're not there to make bargains, we're there to solve problems and help you out.

EDIT: 13. DON'T IMMEDIATELY ASK FOR A SUPERVISOR


We can't send you to one and it's insulting that you assume that we can't help you. Let us try to help you first.
______________________________

So there you have it. A small list of tips for getting through customer service faster and for being a better customer. Fell free to add your own in the comments section. :)

<3 - CFC

There's been some new people that have started to read this blog that were referred here by Big Girls Do It Better from Facebook (WHO I LOVE) and I'll bet all the recent health blogs have them a bit confused.

So let me just say-

This isn't a health or weight loss blog. I just happen to be trying to lose weight and get healthier because I want to and because my blood pressure is trying to kill me. I LOVE being big. I LOVE having curves. I am BEAUTIFUL just the way I am and anyone that doesn't like that can bite me. I'm not built to be a skinny chick and I am okay with that. I just want to get down to a reasonable weight for my size so that I can be healthier.

What I DON'T LOVE is the stigma that society has placed on bigger people. This blog is where I can express and discuss my views on this (<3 comments), as well as talk about my progress and the things that I'm doing to be healthier.

MORE RAMBLING: I also write about my "health stuff" because a lot of things that I've read are written for skinny/in-shape people. I am neither of those. I'm writing about what I, a fat/out-of-shape woman am doing so that other fat/out-of-shape women can get some ideas if they want to get healthier (not that I'm saying being fat means you're unhealthy, but working out when you're fat and working out when you're skinny are two VERY different things). Plus everyone could use some health reminders/advice. :) It applies to all genders and body types. :D

All that being said...

Thank you all SO MUCH for supporting me in the endeavor! :D It means the entire world to me and really keeps me going! <3 <3 <3

<3 - CFC

Someone suggested that I write about what it's like doing social dance and being bigger. So I am. When I asked people about what I should write about, she said: "How guys assume bigger girls are bad dancers and automatically decide to not ask them to dance.....grumble..."

First of all, let me quickly define social dancing. I'm not talking about going clubbing, I'm talking about a setting where people do actual dances with other people, such as swing dancing (my main one), waltz, cha-cha, etc. According to Wikipedia: "Social dance is a major category or classification of dance forms or dance styles, where sociability and socializing are the primary focuses of the dancing. Social dances can be danced with a variety of partners and still be led and followed in a relaxed, easy atmosphere." Basically, you dance with a variety of partners.

There are two types of dancers in social dance: leads and follows. Leads are generally male and lead the dance and the females are generally follows and follow the lead. Guys generally are the ones asking girls to dance. Side note: Girls ask guys to dance ALL of the time and girls also can be leads. I myself am a lead in swing, though not a very good one yet.

Sometimes, bigger girls can feel ignored. Just because we're big doesn't mean that we can't dance or that we're going to throw all of our weight at you when we dip. I'm actually kind of bad at being dipped because I make sure NOT to give all my weight. When SC and I stand together talking at Swing, she'll get asked to dance way more frequently by people we don't know than I ever will. It's just sort of how it is.

My friend that requested this topic feels the same way that I do. We don't get asked to dance while skinnier people do. A part of it IS the social aspect and I'll admit that not only should we ask more (I get shy) and that maybe we should put ourselves out there more, but we still can't help but see that there is some stigma about bigger girls in social dance. Yes, we're big. Yes, we can dance. My friend and I are both good dancers and we're both bigger and there's nothing wrong with that. As my other friend said, "we have the bodies of dancers, but we actually eat." So don't fear our awesomeness: come dance with us.

<3 - CFC

Is it weird to be a bit nervous to go to the gym?

I don't know how many of you experience this sort of thing, but I haven't been in forever and I'm a bit nervous. I'm excited because I missed it, but I'm also nervous. It's like, what if I can't remember how to use any of the equipment and I look like an ass?

It's more than that, though.

I've talked to other big girls and we all agree that it can be very nerve wracking to go to the gym. We fear a certain level of judgement from the other people there. Here are some common thoughts we big people experience:

• "Do they think I'm fat and lazy?"
• "Am I jiggling? Please, PLEASE don't let me be jiggling. I am, aren't I?"
• "Sweet GOD, why do I sweat more than anyone? Is it because I'm fat?"
• "Oh Lord, I'm so out of shape and everyone else is so fit."
• "I keep having to stop and no one else is.... I bet they think I'm out of shape."
• "How did the last person lift this much?!"

As you can see, some people have a hard time going to the gym because they get self conscious going. It can become a mental battle just to get through your work out. I'm not saying that all big people (hell, I'm not even saying that only big people get the Gym Jitters!) have these thoughts, but I've talked to many people that get nervous.

I've heard at least one other friend who had a girl be nasty to her. I've even had a skinny girl give me dirty looks while I was trying to work out. It hurts when people do that sort of thing. We're at the gym, trying to get healthier and lose some weight and then when someone affirms our self doubt, it can really damage our progress. We're already ranking on ourselves, no one at the gym needs that kind of disrespect.

So all that being said- conquer your gym jitters!!! I get self conscious just going for a walk to work out, but we're being silly! A lot of the people at the gym are so focused on their work out that they don't notice anyone else (unless you're like, yelling or something). The gym is actually pleasant to go to (at least for me). You get to use nice equipment, it's a place where your phone/life can't bother you because you're just there to work out, and it can be fun and relaxing! You get to just focus on yourself and what you're doing. :)

All that being said, I'm going to do my darndest to go to the gym today! You hear that, sleep deprived body? We're going to take a nap and then work out!

That's right. I just talked to my body. Online.

<3 - CFC

SC and I went to a concert last night! I'm counting the hour of dance as my physical activity, lol. Yes, that required a lol. I'm extremely tired this morning now.

As we were there and walking there (parking over a quarter mile away in the rain is a bad idea) I was thinking about how LAME it is that as two women, we have to be worried about being attacked. I've read a lot about this and there's not much I can add to it, but for those of you that haven't read about this sort of thing, I'll rant a little.

In our society (that's right, I said society) there's a lot of violence against women. There are a lot of assaults and rape and that's made a lot of women paranoid. I know I couldn't stop looking behind me and was freaked out that there was a man behind us the whole way (he was the only other person on the street).

Women, subconsciously and consciously, take a lot of precautions so as to avoid assault. Locking their doors right as they get into their cars, traveling in pairs at all times, keeping an eye out- it's exhausting. I spent most the night last night watching one creepy guy stare intensely at SC. We had to move to a crappier spot at the concert because of him.

I really hate that I can never really feel safe out by myself.

<3 - CFC

Bullying. What comes to mind when you think of bullying? Kids pushing other kids down? Kids beating each other up? Name calling? Suicide from Cyber-Bullying? A fat kid getting made fun of?

While all of this is bullying, there is so much more to it than that.

I was bullied growing up. I was the new kid in middle school and everyone seemed determined to not let me forget that. I was called fat, I had stuff taken from me and broken, I was threatened and hurt. Bullying hurts in ways that aren't just physical; bullying leaves scars. I have always seen myself as a fat chick because that is what people have told me I am. I saw myself as my bullies told me to and it took years to stop feeling that way. Hell, I haven't even fully stopped. People say to just get over it- that you're beautiful the way you are  blah, blah, blah. You know what, people saying that? Shut the hell up. I may be beautiful the way I am, but other people keep not saying it and I sure as hell didn't feel like it in middle school.

There was a kid in middle school who we'll name JerkFace (JF). He was the worst of the bullies. Sure there were others that called me names, spread stories, and were just plain mean- but JF was special. He was a step above the others. JF rode my bus home with me every single day. He didn't always, but when he did I was terrified. I didn't want to talk and I didn't want people to notice me because then he might too. He liked to wear steel toed boots and kick me in the shins. He told me how he wanted to steal guns from his neighbor and kill me. I was terrified to tell anyone because he was so threatening. People say to tell- but have those people tasted the fear of an 11 year old girl that thinks she's going to be killed? My own mother called me fat and made me hate myself growing up. Who the hell was I supposed to tell? 

You may wonder how I got him to stop. One day he told me that he was going to kill my cat. I was about 13 at the time. I turned, looked him in the eye, and told him that if he ever touched my cat I would kill him. And damn it, I meant it. I knew where my parents kept their guns and I meant it. Did I kill him? No. He left me alone. He also grew up to be a pedophile and is in jail. The point is, it shouldn't have to come to that. I shouldn't have had to feel that killing someone (or even myself) was the way out.

The things that those bullies said and did still live with me. I've been told by many people that I have a beautiful singing voice. My mother told me I couldn't sing and a kid in Junior High told me I'm tone deaf. Who do you think I believed?

NEXT:

I keep seeing the picture below around the internet and I wanted to give my opinion on it and on bullying.

A lot of people think that bulling is just something that you can stop. If you stand up to a bully, they'll just go away, right? If you block them, they will stop. The bullies more often than not just switch to a new account and then the victim blocks it. You can't just stay off the computer in this day and age either.  It's hard and terrifying to stand up to someone bigger and stronger than you. It gets you hurt. You can't tell someone who's been bullied to just stand up for themselves.

Suicide isn't funny. Kids that have killed themselves from cyber bullying aren't wimps. Kids are fucking mean. I was terrified to go to school or walk around my neighborhood almost every day for years because of the same two people. I've been there. It isn't a fun place. It isn't funny. It isn't something to make a joke about. It's scary and it's real.

Suicide (and not those attempts that are cries for help) come about when it feels like it will never stop. All you want is for it (whatever "it" is) to stop. It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to show the pain. Internet bullying makes it worse because it really feels like it will never stop. To you it feels like tons of people from a bunch of accounts are all telling you they hate you. You block one, two more pop up. 

I'm twenty two years old and I still haven't gotten past being bullied. You don't get over it. It scars you. The pain doesn't stop, the mask you wear just grows thicker. Bullying is a real problem- one that you shouldn't just dismiss.

<3 - CFC

P.S. If you're bullied or have been bullied, there is a life after it. I talk about how the scars don't heal- they don't heal, but they do fade. I am someone that I love. I sing whenever I can and I love who I am. I didn't let the bullies drag me down because they were wrong. Sometimes it's a fight. Lord knows it damaged my self esteem. But I am who I am because of it. Let it make you stronger. Fight it. Be who you were meant to be and love who you are.