Baby steps.

That's how you make changes. One little step at a time. It's the same principal for how I've been dealing with my bf's deployment- each day is one day closer to seeing him as opposed to one more day without him.

I want to make a change in my life. I want to lose weight. I like being a big girl- a girl without curves is like jeans without pockets, you don't know where to put your hands. But I want to be healthy. I want to be a healthy weight, or at the very least be healthier. My blood pressure is a bit hard to control. I only recently got it down but I'm afraid it will go back up. I changed birth control and my new pill might make it go back up. So I need to work to keep it down. So losing weight and being healthier is one way.

I've decided to focus more on the physical aspect first. I don't make quite enough money to buy healthy, fresh food frequently (ALLITERATION!). So I'll start with counting calories so that I don't eat more than I need. I'm going to aim for 1,800 a day and limit sodium intake.

Next, I want to be active in some way for at least ten minutes a day for the next two weeks. I think that's a good start- Mondays and Wednesdays are already covered (swing dancing). :)

These are my baby steps. I'll report in tomorrow and we shall see what becomes of it. My bf said that if I can get to a 12 minute mile (I suck at running) before he gets back that we'll go on a cruise. I'm gonna argue for Disney Land for when we go on our little road trip. Anyways, I gotta work up to it!

<3 - CFC

Hi all! CFC here. :) Apparently this blog has gotten SOME views. Hopefully they're not all just me trying to figure out setting up the bio and editing the page. That was fun: "How the mother do I do xyz?!" "Why does that look like that?!!!" "SONOFA-!"

ANYWAYS, I wanted to talk today about the little things I'm doing to get my mind off of being "fat" and how I'm focusing on other aspects of my physical being. I'll get to dealing with dealing with "fat" later.

WARNING: This may seem shallow to some people, but when you're battling self esteem issues, you sometimes have to be shallow to figure out how to start dealing with them. Yes, I will suggest make up and I will suggest changes, but only on a physical level (not like plastic surgery level or anything). You are who you are no matter what you look like. Who cares what other people think of how you look- this is about how YOU feel about how you look. These are little things I did/changed to start feeling better about MYSELF on a physical level. Once you've accepted yourself there, confidence can began to grow.

SO:
It started out with determining what about myself (physically) bothered me and whether or not I could actually change it. If I couldn't change it, I made myself look at it and say "this is who I am and I can't change this about myself. It's how I was made and it is beautiful just the way it is." Accepting the parts of yourself you legitimately can't change (defects, big nose, thigs like that) is important. Here's some of my list of things and what I did:

EYEBROWS: I utterly loathe and despise my eyebrows. They grow in light (I have dark hair- WTF?!) and the kind of grow out bushy on the ends instead of being in a nice pattern. Here's what I did to them:

• I got a little electric shaver (like the size of a pen) and trimmed my eyebrows on the sides. Now they are more of an arch shape.
• I got an eyeliner pencil that was close to my hair color (brown) and not super dark. I keep it sharpened so that I can pencil in my eyebrows. I don't do it super dark or make my eyebrows a different shape (now that they're trimmed). I just darken them.
• RESULT: My eyes (which I think are rather pretty) are more defined. I don't feel the need to wear eyeliner to define them as much. Now I'm okay with my eyebrows- they just need a little help.

LIPS: My lips bothered me. I love the shape of them, but they're SO PALE. I noticed when I wore lipstick, my face seemed less washed out. But lip stick comes off fast. I got Maybeline's Color Stay 24 lip gloss and now my lips have color all day. I got it in a shade that looks natural with my coloring and it close to what my lips look like when they're more colored.

HAIR: My hair just kind of hangs there. It's very straight and I never do anything with it. It parts straight and when I pull it back, I think it looks boring. First I tried dying it red, but that was more for fun and didn't help. So I bit the bullet and went to a stylist.

• She dyed my hair back to brown.
• She gave me layers so that my hair has "movement." It also lays nicer and I find it prettier. It's not so limp and boring.
• She gave me side bangs. Now when I pull my hair back, it always looks cute!
• She gave me good advice. I was using some gel in my hair to make it stop frizzing and lay down. This weighed it down and made it crunchy. Now I use leave in conditioner (makes it SO soft), a little bit of hair oil (to make it less frizzy), and I use a comb instead of a brush after I shower. I use a thermal protection spray and comb my bangs down as I dry them (same for my hair when I have time).

SHINY NOSE AND OILY SKIN: Powder and Clean and Clear Oil Absorbing Creme Cleanser. Bam.

THINGS I HAVE ACCEPTED:

• I will always be pale. I cannot tan and there is nothing wrong with liking your skin color.
• My head is huge. It cannot shrink. Boom. It has to hold my massive brain.
• My nose isn't nearly as big as I think it is. It look fine on my huge head and would look weird small.
• My big pores are staying. Whatever.
• Acne happens- I just gotta get over it.
• I have big feet- I never trip and fall. (Balance, man. Size 10's have their advantages.)
• I have weird feet. Where shoes with arch support and a non chafing heel and get over it.
• Bigger boobs aren't going to be perky. Get over it, CFC. Wear a decent bra.

These changes may seem small and petty, but when I look in the mirror, I don't just see a fat chick. I see someone pretty. I'm working with my "flaws" to make them apart of how I want to see myself. I want people to see me, not a bunch of make up. So I'm working to need less make up (read: full eyeliner and all) and just have bits of make up that help highlight my best features and detract from my flaws.

<3 - CFC

The products I just talked about/recommend. 

My super sexy eyebrows. It's hard to find a picture of myself before I started wearing eye makeup regularly. I don't wear it much anymore.

Why, hello shiny-nose and limp hair. How are you today?

This is RIGHT after I got my hair cut. I REALLY like it. I can't get it to lay exactly like that on my own, though. Stylists are magic. Note the shaped and dark eyebrows, the mouth that you can actually see, and non-shiny nose. I look fine without full make-up.

POKEBALL FLOWER! My hair has more volume now, in a good way instead of a "I AM POUFY AND FRIZZY" way.