ANYWAYS, I wanted to talk today about the little things I'm doing to get my mind off of being "fat" and how I'm focusing on other aspects of my physical being. I'll get to dealing with dealing with "fat" later.
WARNING: This may seem shallow to some people, but when you're battling self esteem issues, you sometimes have to be shallow to figure out how to start dealing with them. Yes, I will suggest make up and I will suggest changes, but only on a physical level (not like plastic surgery level or anything). You are who you are no matter what you look like. Who cares what other people think of how you look- this is about how YOU feel about how you look. These are little things I did/changed to start feeling better about MYSELF on a physical level. Once you've accepted yourself there, confidence can began to grow.
It started out with determining what about myself (physically) bothered me and whether or not I could actually change it. If I couldn't change it, I made myself look at it and say "this is who I am and I can't change this about myself. It's how I was made and it is beautiful just the way it is." Accepting the parts of yourself you legitimately can't change (defects, big nose, thigs like that) is important. Here's some of my list of things and what I did:
EYEBROWS: I utterly loathe and despise my eyebrows. They grow in light (I have dark hair- WTF?!) and the kind of grow out bushy on the ends instead of being in a nice pattern. Here's what I did to them:
- I got a little electric shaver (like the size of a pen) and trimmed my eyebrows on the sides. Now they are more of an arch shape.
- I got an eyeliner pencil that was close to my hair color (brown) and not super dark. I keep it sharpened so that I can pencil in my eyebrows. I don't do it super dark or make my eyebrows a different shape (now that they're trimmed). I just darken them.
- RESULT: My eyes (which I think are rather pretty) are more defined. I don't feel the need to wear eyeliner to define them as much. Now I'm okay with my eyebrows- they just need a little help.
LIPS: My lips bothered me. I love the shape of them, but they're SO PALE. I noticed when I wore lipstick, my face seemed less washed out. But lip stick comes off fast. I got Maybeline's Color Stay 24 lip gloss and now my lips have color all day. I got it in a shade that looks natural with my coloring and it close to what my lips look like when they're more colored.
HAIR: My hair just kind of hangs there. It's very straight and I never do anything with it. It parts straight and when I pull it back, I think it looks boring. First I tried dying it red, but that was more for fun and didn't help. So I bit the bullet and went to a stylist.
- She dyed my hair back to brown.
- She gave me layers so that my hair has "movement." It also lays nicer and I find it prettier. It's not so limp and boring.
- She gave me side bangs. Now when I pull my hair back, it always looks cute!
- She gave me good advice. I was using some gel in my hair to make it stop frizzing and lay down. This weighed it down and made it crunchy. Now I use leave in conditioner (makes it SO soft), a little bit of hair oil (to make it less frizzy), and I use a comb instead of a brush after I shower. I use a thermal protection spray and comb my bangs down as I dry them (same for my hair when I have time).
SHINY NOSE AND OILY SKIN: Powder and Clean and Clear Oil Absorbing Creme Cleanser. Bam.
THINGS I HAVE ACCEPTED:
- I will always be pale. I cannot tan and there is nothing wrong with liking your skin color.
- My head is huge. It cannot shrink. Boom. It has to hold my massive brain.
- My nose isn't nearly as big as I think it is. It look fine on my huge head and would look weird small.
- My big pores are staying. Whatever.
- Acne happens- I just gotta get over it.
- I have big feet- I never trip and fall. (Balance, man. Size 10's have their advantages.)
- I have weird feet. Where shoes with arch support and a non chafing heel and get over it.
- Bigger boobs aren't going to be perky. Get over it, CFC. Wear a decent bra.
These changes may seem small and petty, but when I look in the mirror, I don't just see a fat chick. I see someone pretty. I'm working with my "flaws" to make them apart of how I want to see myself. I want people to see me, not a bunch of make up. So I'm working to need less make up (read: full eyeliner and all) and just have bits of make up that help highlight my best features and detract from my flaws.
<3 - CFC