I learned something very important about myself this holiday season: I have an inability to say no. For those of you that don't know me "in real life," I have always been considered a bit of a bitch. I'm the person who can be firm (or as SC condescendingly calls it, "mean") when the situation calls for it. If I don't want to do something, I won't (or wouldn't, I should say) do it (not counting work). I will say what needs to be said no matter how unpleasant because I am honest (again, SC would say that I'm "mean," though how mean can it be to say the cruel truths to someone when they NEED to hear them?).
The Story
This holiday season, I was over at my a family member's house on a Friday night (I can't remember why for the life of me) with my fiance. There were a bunch of people there (friends and family alike) and everyone was drinking (I wasn't- not out of morals, but because I just didn't want to that night) and being, well, rambunctious like we always are. To make a long story short, I really wanted to leave at around 11pm because I needed to get up early to take care of some stuff around the apartment and run some errands.
But, whenever I tried to leave, everyone kept putting me down. "Do you NEED to leave? It's not like to need to go to work or doing anything important! Stay!" and just belittling me and the things that I needed to do (such as going running). My drunken fiance was no help at all because he ignored me and wanted to stay too. I had worked all day, it had been a long week from hell, and I get really tired after 11pm nowadays because I am a fucking responsible adult and go to bed at a decent hour because I work early on weekdays. Sorry that I grew up.
I ended up staying until well past midnight, maybe even 1am, and not enjoying myself at all. I was not happy that my fiance had been drinking a LOT even though I had asked him not to so that he could drive home (I get road hypnosis pretty badly and it gets worse when I'm tired) and so that he wouldn't be an annoying ass. When I finally had enough and said that I wanted to leave, people were STILL calling me names while we were packing up and heading out the door. They were calling me an old lady and other stuff and I was just sick of it and exhausted. I also ended up driving home while fighting waves of exhaustion.
Guess what? I ended up waking around noon because I was so tired and didn't get anything I needed to do done.
Do I sound a pissy? It's because I am. I am pissed that they kept doing that to me (it doesn't help that I get a new lecture every time I come over there lately). However, upon further angry reflection (I've made progress, but I can still hold grudges), I should have just flipped them all the bird and said no (maybe not that first part), so they're not entirely to blame.
The Realization
I started to think more about it and I realized something that, to me, is kind of awful: I CAN'T SAY NO ANYMORE. I use to be this headstrong person (or I thought that I was), but if something isn't major, I'll just keep saying yes to my own detriment.
It's not just other people: I CAN'T SAY NO TO MYSELF AND NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I came to that realization. A chunk of my debt is because I couldn't say no to something I didn't need or couldn't afford. My weight is because I couldn't say no to offered food or food that I wanted. I can't say no when I think it's at all rude to do so. Yes, there are outside circumstances that made things worse (lay offs, hours cut, crappy childhood where food and shopping became comforts, blah blah blah) but those are just EXCUSES. I have a stable job and life now, I have no excuse! NONE!
A Promise
So I am making a promise to myself and to you, dear reader. I am going to start saying NO. I am going to stand up for myself, even when it's against myself. I am going to say no to myself when I want to over-indulge or want to skip something that I need to do. I am going to say no to offered food if I don't really want it or am not that hungry. I am going to say no when people try to get me to do something I don't want to (like stay over late). I have always been considered an assertive person, maybe it's time that I start to act like one.
JUST. SAY. NO.
<3 - CFC
The Story
This holiday season, I was over at my a family member's house on a Friday night (I can't remember why for the life of me) with my fiance. There were a bunch of people there (friends and family alike) and everyone was drinking (I wasn't- not out of morals, but because I just didn't want to that night) and being, well, rambunctious like we always are. To make a long story short, I really wanted to leave at around 11pm because I needed to get up early to take care of some stuff around the apartment and run some errands.
But, whenever I tried to leave, everyone kept putting me down. "Do you NEED to leave? It's not like to need to go to work or doing anything important! Stay!" and just belittling me and the things that I needed to do (such as going running). My drunken fiance was no help at all because he ignored me and wanted to stay too. I had worked all day, it had been a long week from hell, and I get really tired after 11pm nowadays because I am a fucking responsible adult and go to bed at a decent hour because I work early on weekdays. Sorry that I grew up.
I ended up staying until well past midnight, maybe even 1am, and not enjoying myself at all. I was not happy that my fiance had been drinking a LOT even though I had asked him not to so that he could drive home (I get road hypnosis pretty badly and it gets worse when I'm tired) and so that he wouldn't be an annoying ass. When I finally had enough and said that I wanted to leave, people were STILL calling me names while we were packing up and heading out the door. They were calling me an old lady and other stuff and I was just sick of it and exhausted. I also ended up driving home while fighting waves of exhaustion.
Guess what? I ended up waking around noon because I was so tired and didn't get anything I needed to do done.
Do I sound a pissy? It's because I am. I am pissed that they kept doing that to me (it doesn't help that I get a new lecture every time I come over there lately). However, upon further angry reflection (I've made progress, but I can still hold grudges), I should have just flipped them all the bird and said no (maybe not that first part), so they're not entirely to blame.
The Realization
I started to think more about it and I realized something that, to me, is kind of awful: I CAN'T SAY NO ANYMORE. I use to be this headstrong person (or I thought that I was), but if something isn't major, I'll just keep saying yes to my own detriment.
It's not just other people: I CAN'T SAY NO TO MYSELF AND NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach when I came to that realization. A chunk of my debt is because I couldn't say no to something I didn't need or couldn't afford. My weight is because I couldn't say no to offered food or food that I wanted. I can't say no when I think it's at all rude to do so. Yes, there are outside circumstances that made things worse (lay offs, hours cut, crappy childhood where food and shopping became comforts, blah blah blah) but those are just EXCUSES. I have a stable job and life now, I have no excuse! NONE!
A Promise
So I am making a promise to myself and to you, dear reader. I am going to start saying NO. I am going to stand up for myself, even when it's against myself. I am going to say no to myself when I want to over-indulge or want to skip something that I need to do. I am going to say no to offered food if I don't really want it or am not that hungry. I am going to say no when people try to get me to do something I don't want to (like stay over late). I have always been considered an assertive person, maybe it's time that I start to act like one.
JUST. SAY. NO.
<3 - CFC
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