While all of this is bullying, there is so much more to it than that.
I was bullied growing up. I was the new kid in middle school and everyone seemed determined to not let me forget that. I was called fat, I had stuff taken from me and broken, I was threatened and hurt. Bullying hurts in ways that aren't just physical; bullying leaves scars. I have always seen myself as a fat chick because that is what people have told me I am. I saw myself as my bullies told me to and it took years to stop feeling that way. Hell, I haven't even fully stopped. People say to just get over it- that you're beautiful the way you are blah, blah, blah. You know what, people saying that? Shut the hell up. I may be beautiful the way I am, but other people keep not saying it and I sure as hell didn't feel like it in middle school.
There was a kid in middle school who we'll name JerkFace (JF). He was the worst of the bullies. Sure there were others that called me names, spread stories, and were just plain mean- but JF was special. He was a step above the others. JF rode my bus home with me every single day. He didn't always, but when he did I was terrified. I didn't want to talk and I didn't want people to notice me because then he might too. He liked to wear steel toed boots and kick me in the shins. He told me how he wanted to steal guns from his neighbor and kill me. I was terrified to tell anyone because he was so threatening. People say to tell- but have those people tasted the fear of an 11 year old girl that thinks she's going to be killed? My own mother called me fat and made me hate myself growing up. Who the hell was I supposed to tell?
You may wonder how I got him to stop. One day he told me that he was going to kill my cat. I was about 13 at the time. I turned, looked him in the eye, and told him that if he ever touched my cat I would kill him. And damn it, I meant it. I knew where my parents kept their guns and I meant it. Did I kill him? No. He left me alone. He also grew up to be a pedophile and is in jail. The point is, it shouldn't have to come to that. I shouldn't have had to feel that killing someone (or even myself) was the way out.
The things that those bullies said and did still live with me. I've been told by many people that I have a beautiful singing voice. My mother told me I couldn't sing and a kid in Junior High told me I'm tone deaf. Who do you think I believed?
I keep seeing the picture below around the internet and I wanted to give my opinion on it and on bullying.
Suicide isn't funny. Kids that have killed themselves from cyber bullying aren't wimps. Kids are fucking mean. I was terrified to go to school or walk around my neighborhood almost every day for years because of the same two people. I've been there. It isn't a fun place. It isn't funny. It isn't something to make a joke about. It's scary and it's real.
Suicide (and not those attempts that are cries for help) come about when it feels like it will never stop. All you want is for it (whatever "it" is) to stop. It's hard to ask for help. It's hard to show the pain. Internet bullying makes it worse because it really feels like it will never stop. To you it feels like tons of people from a bunch of accounts are all telling you they hate you. You block one, two more pop up.
I'm twenty two years old and I still haven't gotten past being bullied. You don't get over it. It scars you. The pain doesn't stop, the mask you wear just grows thicker. Bullying is a real problem- one that you shouldn't just dismiss.
<3 - CFC
P.S. If you're bullied or have been bullied, there is a life after it. I talk about how the scars don't heal- they don't heal, but they do fade. I am someone that I love. I sing whenever I can and I love who I am. I didn't let the bullies drag me down because they were wrong. Sometimes it's a fight. Lord knows it damaged my self esteem. But I am who I am because of it. Let it make you stronger. Fight it. Be who you were meant to be and love who you are.