Hullo everyone,
Not sure how many of you have read any of my Facebook posts, but here's an update for those who haven't: I gained all the weight back. All of it and some extra just for good measure. I feel like a bloated cow. As you can probably guess, I am uncomfortable and my self esteem is very low/fragile right now. This is only partially related to why I cried today, but I felt that knowing this helps explain the story a bit more.
For most of my life, I have had issues with my feet- specifically, the right one. I've always had to make sure that I wear good shoes with an arch (I jokingly refer to it as my old lady arch), but I still have issues. For the last three weeks or so, my right foot has been hurting and in a way that it hasn't before. No matter what I did, it kept hurting; so I scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist (only took me 8 years of chronic pain to think that MAYBE there might be a problem and that MAYBE I wasn't just constantly hurting myself).
I spoke to the doctor and he took some x-rays of my foot and SURPRISE! I have z-shaped feet!
Not sure how many of you have read any of my Facebook posts, but here's an update for those who haven't: I gained all the weight back. All of it and some extra just for good measure. I feel like a bloated cow. As you can probably guess, I am uncomfortable and my self esteem is very low/fragile right now. This is only partially related to why I cried today, but I felt that knowing this helps explain the story a bit more.
For most of my life, I have had issues with my feet- specifically, the right one. I've always had to make sure that I wear good shoes with an arch (I jokingly refer to it as my old lady arch), but I still have issues. For the last three weeks or so, my right foot has been hurting and in a way that it hasn't before. No matter what I did, it kept hurting; so I scheduled an appointment with a podiatrist (only took me 8 years of chronic pain to think that MAYBE there might be a problem and that MAYBE I wasn't just constantly hurting myself).
I spoke to the doctor and he took some x-rays of my foot and SURPRISE! I have z-shaped feet!
The x-ray looked kind of like this. This is the general idea, anyways.
What are z-shaped feet, you may ask? They are, as I like to call them, "funny shaped feet." Per the x-ray above (that I got from Google images and isn't mine), the bones of my feet grow in a "z" shape and not straight out like NORMAL people's feet. The doctor recommended that I only wear firm shoes and that I get some orthotic inserts. Okay, simple enough. I'm use to my janky feet, how bad can it be? Sure, the shoe he held up as an example was hideous, but it was just an example, so I ignored it.
I got home and SURPRISE AGAIN- I only own shoes with a flexible sole. Okay, no big- I'll just put the inserts in them and then will find some firm-soled shoes. It can't be that bad; my coworkers were only joking when they said that the shoes would be ugly. Hell, I made the same jokes and laughed about "old lady shoes" (because I am a terrible person).
Today I limped down to the Walking Company and asked about firm shoes with a high arch because I need support. THEY POINTED ME TO CLOGS. CLOGS, PEOPLE. I hate clogs (sorry to anyone that wears them, we all have different tastes). So here I am, looking at a whole selection of hideous shoes while any shoe I like at all and pick up has a flexible sole because the universe delights in upsetting me in little, stupid ways.
Do you ever have something small that starts a snowball of emotional reactions inside of you? This was that thing. I just stared at this wall of clogs and hideous shoes and felt my lower lip start to quiver and my eyes start to water and a flurry of thoughts began swirling in my mind. Not only am I too FAT for NORMAL, CUTE clothes, but now I have to wear ugly shoes too?! Isn't it bad enough that I have size 10 MONSTER feet? Do they also need to require CLOGS?! I feel bad for the sales people; I was not a happy customer but they seemed sadly use to the reaction.
My self esteem thoroughly smacked down, I am now sitting here with that headache that comes from trying not to cry, wallowing in a puddle of self-pity over something admittedly minor and stupid. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's stupid, it doesn't make me feel any better. I am apparently supposed to dress like a dowdy cow because I'm fat and now I can have a rockin' set of hooves in the form of clogs to match my bovine body.
Needless to say. I have not purchased new shoes yet and I don't want to look again today.
<3 - CFC
I got home and SURPRISE AGAIN- I only own shoes with a flexible sole. Okay, no big- I'll just put the inserts in them and then will find some firm-soled shoes. It can't be that bad; my coworkers were only joking when they said that the shoes would be ugly. Hell, I made the same jokes and laughed about "old lady shoes" (because I am a terrible person).
Today I limped down to the Walking Company and asked about firm shoes with a high arch because I need support. THEY POINTED ME TO CLOGS. CLOGS, PEOPLE. I hate clogs (sorry to anyone that wears them, we all have different tastes). So here I am, looking at a whole selection of hideous shoes while any shoe I like at all and pick up has a flexible sole because the universe delights in upsetting me in little, stupid ways.
Do you ever have something small that starts a snowball of emotional reactions inside of you? This was that thing. I just stared at this wall of clogs and hideous shoes and felt my lower lip start to quiver and my eyes start to water and a flurry of thoughts began swirling in my mind. Not only am I too FAT for NORMAL, CUTE clothes, but now I have to wear ugly shoes too?! Isn't it bad enough that I have size 10 MONSTER feet? Do they also need to require CLOGS?! I feel bad for the sales people; I was not a happy customer but they seemed sadly use to the reaction.
My self esteem thoroughly smacked down, I am now sitting here with that headache that comes from trying not to cry, wallowing in a puddle of self-pity over something admittedly minor and stupid. No matter how many times I tell myself that it's stupid, it doesn't make me feel any better. I am apparently supposed to dress like a dowdy cow because I'm fat and now I can have a rockin' set of hooves in the form of clogs to match my bovine body.
Needless to say. I have not purchased new shoes yet and I don't want to look again today.
<3 - CFC
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